Wanderlust Read Online Free PDF Page A

this
happen without a fight. I didn't know if I could fight him, knowing
I would lose, that I would only end up hurt. I saw my mother's
face, drawn and worried and accusing. Had this been her choice to
make too?
    Maybe he knew I was close because he
continued, the low timbre of his voice rough and thick.
    "I don't get off on hurting women. Not
too bad anyway. If you have any bruises they'll be small and
covered up by your clothes. No one needs to know what happened
here. It's nobody's business but ours."
    He made it sound consensual. But that
was what he was describing, wasn't it? That I go along with this,
that I would consent.
    Or else.
    And I was too scared to ask about what
"or else" would mean.
    "Oh God," I sobbed against the peeling
paint of the door. “I didn't bother you. You're a good-looking guy.
You could get a regular date. Why are you doing this?"
    "Thank you for the compliment. You're
a pretty girl too. We'll be good together. This is a date, you and
I. You wanted to skip the dinner part, and I allowed it. I'm not
going to miss dessert."

CHAPTER FOUR
     
    The three waterfalls
combine to produce the highest flow rate of any waterfall on
earth.
     
    A sick sense of inevitability slid
down my throat.
    Maybe this was a regular date—what did
I really know of courtship? He seemed very certain. And maybe it
was a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I agreed to this crazy
proposition, if I didn't fight him, it would be just a man and a
woman having sex. Wouldn't that be better than the alternative?
Even without an explicit threat, plain old mildly-bruising sex had
to be better than what he might do in anger.
    Unable to submit, I searched
desperately, trying to think of something that could help. But I
was in the far corner of a deserted motel in a truck stop well off
the highway. I had no practical experience to guide me, only empty
words on musty pages. Like Alice, I had stepped through the looking
glass into a whole new world, foreign and sinister.
    The old rules didn't apply to this
musky hotel room. There was only this man, strong and confident.
There was only his mercy, to be gained through pleasing him, not
angering him.
    "You're thinking too much," he said,
and I heard the first rise of frustration in his voice. His
patience had a limit after all, and it was approaching on the
horizon.
    "Please, please," I whispered. "Is
there something else I could...anything else...?"
    He scoffed. "What else could I want
from you?"
    Nothing. There was nothing at all, no
pride, no hope.
    "There now." His voice softened.
Something stirred my hair. His hand stroked down, then toyed with a
damp lock. "You're making this a bigger deal than it needs to be.
It doesn't mean anything, you and I. Just casual sex. Have you had
casual sex before?"
    No, never. I shook my head.
    He seemed amused, a little pleased.
"So this will be your first time, in a way. I like that. It's a
turn-on."
    His fingertips drifted over my bare
shoulders, leaving a trail of goose bumps in languid circles. I
hugged the door, suddenly wishing that I were the kind of woman who
had casual sex. That I could turn around and let the towel drop and
pretend I wanted this too. It would make this easier. Instead I
could only shiver against the door, shudder under his
touch.
    "Lock the door," he murmured against
my ear. "I don't want to be interrupted."
    I took a deep breath and tried to calm
myself.
    There are some men you
just don’t say no to. That was what the
waitress had said to me, and I understood it now. I wouldn’t say
no, and he wouldn’t force me. I would go along with it, and
everything would be consensual.
    Just like a date. Casual
sex.
    My hand shook violently as I reached
up and turned the lock sideways. It didn't change our situation at
all. I couldn’t leave before it was locked, and I still couldn't.
But it felt different, as if I had exercised my choice. As if I'd
consented, and I had. He had my permission, even though he’d proven
he didn’t need