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why don’t we get out of here. Go to my place. I’d love to catch up. And you can tell me all about this guy of yours and what the problem is—and who knows, maybe talking about it will do some good.”
    * * * * *
    Dawn lived in the trendy neighborhood of Mt. Adams, in a condo atop a three-story building that overlooked the city through a wall of windows. The place was decorated in lavish fabrics and jewel tones, a purple velvet chaise draped with a red chenille throw serving as one of the most outstanding pieces of furniture in the large living room. Dark wood trim and a fireplace added to the warm feel of the space, in which the only holiday decoration was a small, unobtrusive tree in one corner done in matching jewel tone ornaments. Emily couldn’t help thinking it would be a great room to have sex with Simon in.
    Which confused her, all things considered. Then again, she figured the thought blended with her usual state of sexual turmoil.
    Over hot chocolate laced with brandy to warm them up after coming in from the cold, Emily found herself telling Dawn about Simon, and about her problems in bed.
    She didn’t know why she found Dawn so easy to talk to, but her old friend had always had a way of gently coaxing honesty from her. Of course, maybe the brandy helped, too. Either way, she heard herself telling Dawn things that, for some reason, she hadn’t quite been able to tell Simon.
    “It’s like…my body is just teeming with all this desire, but my brain tries to turn it off—and usually succeeds.”
    Dawn leaned forward on the leather sofa they shared to touch Emily’s knee. “Is it fear you feel when he urges you to try new things? Or some kind of shame ?”
    Emily swallowed, thinking it over—wanting desperately to figure it out, finally.
    Something about Dawn’s soothing voice, the comfort of her touch, the cozy setting—
    plus the brandy’s ability to relax her—made her feel close, so very close, to finally 26
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    digging beneath the surface of her troubles and really reaching an answer. “Fear of the unknown is definitely a part of it. And yet, another, wilder part of me that I can’t quite reach really wants to try these things, really wants to learn.”
    Dawn flashed a sympathetic expression. “So you’ve really never given a guy a blowjob? Or had sex in any position besides missionary?”
    Emily didn’t feel embarrassed by Dawn’s surprise over the secrets she’d already shared—just sad. “No, never. I really want to—just thinking about it excites me inside.
    But when I try to actually do it, I just freeze up. I guess…I guess maybe it is some kind of shame—although I never thought of it like that before. It just feels…wrong somehow.
    Not inside my heart, but in my head.”
    Dawn lowered her chin and widened her eyes, looking inquisitive. “Just how strict were your parents, honey?”
    Emily bit her lip, remembering. She didn’t particularly like thinking about it. “They were very strict when it came to boys. I couldn’t date until I was seventeen, and even then, they filled me with terror about letting a guy touch me at all, or kiss me. I remember being a nervous wreck. Even before that, though, if we were watching TV
    and anything at all sexual came on, my mother changed the channel. We just never talked about sex in our house, unless I was being warned not to do it. Even the topic embarrassed me at the time because it seemed so taboo.”
    “And you were an only child, right?”
    Emily nodded. “So I didn’t have anyone to talk to about this stuff. Girlfriends, sure, but no one really understood why the very idea of sex freaked me out so much, because they didn’t see what it was like to live with my mom and dad.”
    “Was it…a religious thing for them?”
    “Not really. We went to church, but…well, I think maybe my mom was sexually abused when she was younger. She’s never said so—but once my aunt told me I had no idea what my mother had been through