Until There Was You Read Online Free PDF Page B

together and secure some kind of calmness and stability. Having something that was more important than himself gave Nate a little more strength and papered over some of the smaller cracks that the morning had inflicted on his psyche.
    Bailey's breathing began to even out.
    "I'm really sorry that I shouted at you. You can wear your frog sweater if you want. But we have to go in a minute because we have to be at Tommy's house by ten o'clock. His mom is taking you to the park."
    Bailey's face lit up. "I love the park!" Then his face turned quizzical. "Why are you having a stupid day?"
    "No reason, I'm just tired and a bit yawny," Nate said.
    "Did Papa wake you up early too?" Bailey asked happily.
    The word 'papa' seemed to take up a physical space and presence in the room, punching Nate in the gut, but he managed to keep his voice even. "No, Bay. I didn't see him this morning, I was fast asleep. I was tired from getting the anniversary ready."
    "Did you see Papa's face? He was soooooo surprised!" Bailey squealed as Nate pulled the lime green frog sweater over his head. Thick wool covered up the sound of Bailey's giggling.
    *~*~*
    Nate pulled the car up in front of his best friend Cecily's house. He unclipped Bailey from his car seat and carried him to the front stoop. Cecily opened the door, radiant and blonde and, on the surface, the perfect suburban working mother. The blonde-haired, blue-eyed, modern-day American dream. Her undeniable prettiness belied a wicked sense of humor and a sharpness unusual for the parents of kids who went to the prestigious Abbey preschool.
    "Nate, is everything okay?" she asked. Her singsong voice perfectly matching the manicured lawns and carefully selected flowers around her.
    Nate kissed Bailey on the cheek and put him on the floor. "Okay, son, go and find Tommy. I just need to speak to Cici for a second." Nate watched as Bailey ran through the hallway excitedly.
    "What's wrong, N? You look like shit. The new book not going well?" Nate pulled Joshua's letter out of his pocket and handed it to Cecily.
    Nate watched her eyes dart around and tried to predict where she was on the page like it was some kind of game. He wondered if he could tell from her expression which sentence she was reading, as if that might somehow make everything easier. "Shit. This, umm, is really bad. Are you okay? Have you been able to contact him? Did you know this was coming? How are you even standing? Do you know where he is? What about the business? We need vodka…"
    "Cici, babe, that's too many questions. Any question is too many questions. I can barely wrap my head around breathing at the moment."
    "Vodka?"
    "I would love some. But I have to go to a meeting. About finances or something."
    "Are you sure you should be going to a meeting?"
    "No. But I'm going because I am a successful human being and I can keep living my life and all of this will—one day—be a funny story."
    "Do you believe that?" Cici asked, sounding concerned. She outstretched her hand and held Nate's tightly.
    "No. Not at all." Nate looked down at the floor, barely registering Cecily's hand in his. "Not even a little. But, umm. I don't know what the hell to do. I've never done anything by myself before. I met Joshua when I was sixteen and, well, he did everything for me. And I wish that I could tell you that I knew he was coming back to me, to us. But he won't even answer my phone calls. So… I'm kind of lost and a little destroyed and don't know what I can do to make this shit heap anything but a shit heap." Nate wiped a stream of moisture from his cheek and inhaled deeply. "So I am going to go to this meeting and make sure that Bay has a future, even if it's one without his papa."
    "Okay. But you're staying here tonight. You don't need to be going back home alone. Tommy will love having Bay here and we can get drunk and, well, get drunk. First, though… Have you called everybody? His coworkers? Family? You ran here, so it stands to reason that