Unlovable Read Online Free PDF Page A

tell me I
was pretty. She never did. She never hugged me, or tucked me into
bed at night, and she never made me dinner, or any other meal for
that matter. She had a wicked mean streak, and when she was upset,
her harsh words nipped at my heart. She was a cold, distant woman
who drank too much.
    A year and a half ago
things changed-for the worst. She was rarely sober anymore and
seldom left the house. Her words took on a new cruelty; they cut
clear to my soul, some days shredding it into pieces. Words
like: get out of my sight, you lazy
girl , or, can’t
you do anything right, you unlovable nothing ? And my favorite, I should have given you up when I had the
chance!
    As we approached the school
door, a passage from my favorite Victor Hugo novel Les Misérables crossed
my mind. For Jean Valjean there was no
sun, no beautiful summer days, no radiant sky, no fresh April
dawn . Completely lost in my pain, I didn’t
feel the tears brimming up in my eyes until one spilled over the
edge.
    Seth softly turned me around to face
him. “What’s wrong?” He peered into my eyes and it felt as if he
was burrowing down into the dark recesses of my soul. His fingers
ran softly across my cheek, brushing away the tear. There was an
undeniable tenderness about him and it made my heart flutter. His
reaction caught me off guard, I stammered for a moment not knowing
what to say. Should I tell him about my pathetic life, explain to
him how unloved I was, or how I could totally relate to these
children and what they were feeling?
    I opted for the safe
answer, like always; show no emotion, keep it locked inside, they
can’t hurt you if they don’t know anything about
you .
    “ It’s the cold air, it’s
burning my eyes.” Clearly, he didn’t buy my lame excuse, but to his
credit he said nothing. He held the school door open for me and led
us down the hall.
    Crying? What the heck was wrong with
me? It must be PMS! I stayed a few steps behind him secretly drying
my face and running through a calendar in my mind.
    Approaching the classroom, I peered
around his shoulder and saw twenty-two little smiles eagerly
awaiting us, their little cherub faces pressed up against the glass
before the door promptly flew open. Out they came, jumping on Seth
and me, knocking us both to the floor. Their reaction to him
stunned me. Apparently, they loved him as much as they did
me.
    Zane, a tenderhearted blond boy, was
now perched on my knees. “Why are you here early, Miss
Maggie?”
    “ I had to change my school
schedule to this hour.”
    “ Wow! Our two most
favoritist teachers at the same time,” swooned Noah, a sweet little
guy with big brown eyes. “I’m the luckiest boy ever!” He smiled as
Seth helped me up off the floor.
    “ You know what this means!”
said Elise, a stunning, curly-haired blond girl.
    “ What?” Seth
asked.
    “ It means
you two have to get married.” She smothered her giggle into her
hands, along with several other little girls, while some began
chanting, “Kiss her, kiss her.” Seth laughed loudly, scooped me
into his arms, and before I could protest, planted a big noisy kiss
on my cheek. Wow, his cologne
smelled heavenly . I laughed as the girls
cheered and the boys made gagging sounds. He released me when their
teacher, Mrs. Mathews, a tall, middle-aged, Korean woman with long
silky black hair, came out into the hall and shooed them back
inside.
    “ Alright, children, settle
down.” As always, her voice was gentle. “We now have Mr. Seth,
along with Miss Maggie as our visiting teachers for this hour.
Since we haven’t had our guest teachers read to us for several
weeks, we’re going to separate into two groups for story time.” She
quickly divided the kids up and sent the groups to opposing ends of
the room. Harrison, a precious redheaded boy, chose several books
for me to read as the rest of my group settled into beanbag chairs
or on small carpet squares. Noah curled up in my lap and began
stroking my cheek.
    The