Uncovering You 5: Confessions Read Online Free PDF Page B

not get you out of my mind.
    “Half a dozen times I debated flying home to see you. Half a dozen times I wanted to fly straight back just to hold you in my arms. No other woman has ever had such a strong effect on me.”
    I stare at him in disbelief. I don’t know what to say.
    “When my plane landed in California that day, my composure disappeared. I had waited so long to see you. All pretense was gone. I rushed home, my heart racing, ready to apologize for the way I’d been treating you, for the things I’d been doing to you, ready to confess all my budding feelings for you, only to find you—”
    “Asleep,” I whisper.
    “Yes,” he says. “Asleep.”
    A silence forms between us. It is not comfortable.
    After a minute, Stonehart speaks again.
    “You cannot imagine the disappointment I felt. Finding you like that told me the feelings I harbored for you were one-sided. I felt powerless. It was all an illusion. There was no reciprocity. You did not want to see me.”
    I swallow. Is this the insight into Stonehart’s mind that I always wanted?
    “I thought maybe you would wake. I thought that maybe, I should wait. But as I did… and as the minutes stretched… a deep fury rose inside of me. I was angered at my own weakness. At the feelings for you that were growing inside me.
    “I was wrong. Nothing had changed. Even worse. After two weeks away, we’d regressed , just as I feared.
    “I did not want to lose you. But I felt like you were slipping out of my fingertips. So I did the only thing I could, Lilly. I exerted control. I had to, Lilly, don’t you see? I had to do it. I had to. You gave me no choice. I had to—” he looks away from me then, “—I had to leave you in the dark.”
    He clears his throat. His next words come out in a harsh whisper. “When you’re in the dark, with your collar on, I know that you are safe.”
    He holds up a hand to stop my protest before I can give it voice. “I know what that sounds like. I shudder to think what type of monster that makes me in your eyes. I know I’ve been less than kind to you, Lilly. You deserve better. Better than what I’ve given you. But some things…” he exhales heavily, “…some things go so much further back than you can ever know.”
    He sits up and faces me. “So there you have it. It’s a goddamn horrible apology, but it’s the only one I can give you now.”
    Our eyes meet. Behind the darkness that engulfs his irises, I see a tumultuous swirling of emotions.
    I wonder if the same is mirrored in my face. Because, this… this confession … has me reeling.
    He rises. “Our flight leaves tomorrow at ten,” he says. “Rose will be in to wake you before eight. She’ll pack your belongings for you.”
    He walks to me and reaches out to take my hand. I don’t move. I feel like I’m glued to the spot.
    He brings my knuckles to his lips. “Goodnight, Lilly-flower,” he breathes. “And Merry Christmas. I hope, starting tomorrow, we can begin a new chapter in our lives.”
    Without another word, he turns around and walks out the room, leaving me feeling like I’ve just been run over by a ten-ton truck.

Chapter Six

    My mind is too active to grant me any sleep that night.
    I keep replaying the conversation with Stonehart over and over again in my head. Three things stand out:
    The first is his plea not to hate him. I never, ever would have thought I would hear anything of the sort from the man.
    The second is the mention of hope. He hopes that I can trust him. He hopes that he can trust me.
    The third is the promise of a new chapter. What does he mean by that? Have the rules been abolished? He’s taking me out with him, with no mention of the TGBs. Are they nothing more than a relic now?
    He also told me that I can ask him questions. Any I like! I didn’t seize the opportunity before he left. But, if he actually stays true to his word, it might mean that the verbal rules he set out at our first meeting do not apply anymore.
    I