Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader Read Online Free PDF

boy. Someone who passes worthless checks.
    Trojan. A professional gambler.
    White soup. Stolen silver melted down so it won’t be discovered.
    Grease one’s duke. Put money into someone’s hand.
    Irish favorites. Emeralds.
    Fairy grapes. Pearls.
    High pillow. The top man in an organization.
    Nest with a hen on. Promising prospect for a robbery.
    Trigging the jigger. Placing a piece of paper (the trig) in the keyhole of a door to a house that is suspected to be uninhabited. If the trig is still there the next day, a gang can rob the house later that night.
    The muscles that power a dragonfly’s wings make up 23% of its bodyweight.

FICTIONARY
    The Washington Post runs an annual contest asking readers to come up with alternate meanings for various words. Here are some of the best (plus a few by the BRI).
    Carcinoma (n.), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
    Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
    Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
    Unroll (n.), a breadstick.
    Mortar (n.), what tobacco companies add to cigarettes.
    Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you’ve gained.
    Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
    Innuendo (n.), an Italian suppository.
    Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood.
    Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
    Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
    Instigator (n.), do-it-yourself reptile kit. Just add water.
    Laughingstock (n.), an amused herd of cattle.
    Coffee (n.), one who is coughed upon.
    Hexagon (n.), how a mathematician removes a curse.
    Reincarnation (n.), the belief that you’ll come back as a flower.
    Paradox (n.), two physicians.
    Prefix (n.), the act of completely breaking a partially broken object before calling a professional.
    Atheism (n.), a non-prophet organization.
    Rectitude (n.), the dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
    Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that transports the victims of steamroller accidents.
    Eyedropper (n.), a clumsy optometrist.
    Zebra (n.), ze garment which covers ze bosom.
    Think (Boston) tea is Massachusetts’s state beverage? Try again—it’s cranberry juice.

THE COST OF WAR (MOVIES)
    Here’s a behind-the-scenes look at the role the Pentagon plays in shaping how Hollywood depicts the military.
P ROFITEERS
    If you’re going to make a war movie, chances are you’re going to need army tanks, fighter planes, ships, and maybe even submarines to film some of your scenes.
    There are two ways to get them: One is to pay top dollar to rent them on the open market from private owners or the militaries of foreign countries like Israel and the Philippines. That can add tens of millions of dollars to the budget. The other is to “borrow” them from the U.S. military, which makes such items available to filmmakers at a much lower cost.
    Critics charge that Pentagon cooperation with the film industry is a waste of taxpayer money, but the all-volunteer U.S. military sees it differently: Supporting a movie like Top Gun, for example, doesn’t cost all that much, and the resulting film is a two-hour-long Armed Forces infomercial starring Tom Cruise.
NO FREE LUNCH
    The catch is that the military will only support films that cast the Armed Forces in a positive light. If a movie producer submits an unflattering script, the Pentagon will withhold its support until the script is changed. If the producer refuses to make the recommended changes, the Pentagon withholds its support, and the cost of making the film goes through the roof.
    The original script for Top Gun, for example, called for Tom Cruise’s character to fall in love with an enlisted woman played by Kelly McGillis. Fraternization between officers and enlisted personnel is against Navy rules, so the Navy “suggested” that producer Jerry Bruckheimer rework the McGillis character. “We changed her to