local library would serve as my base of operations, using the computers to contact my friends and family throughout the U.S. for my job search outside of Boston. I needed to ensure any job I applied for wasn’t a subsidiary of Pentagon.
Once I was ready, I locked Carson’s door and headed downstairs. I walked to the local T and took the train to the edge of Boston and waited for the bus. I kept my apartment despite spending all of my time with Matt. I’d forgotten how long the commute home took. Despite spending three nights a week at my apartment, Matt still drove me home every night, and I realized I’d become a bit spoiled. Thoughts of Matt invaded my mind. When I pushed away the good memories, I found myself near my stop. I had a bit of a walk to my apartment. Even the walk was more than I’d remembered. When I was a couple of yards away from the front door, I pulled out my key. The day was sunny and hot, but all I saw were darkened clouds. Nothing could bring me out of my depression.
When I stepped on the step of the front door, I noticed a flower arrangement. I stooped to see if it were meant for me. My name was on the card, so I picked it up, opened it and read the print, “Let me fix this. Don’t give up on our true love. I love you, Matt.” I took the card, but left the bouquet on the front steps; not wanting them in my home. Someone else could enjoy the bouquet of flowers offered to mend my broken heart. I ripped up the card, crushing the bits in my hand which I would discard in my apartment.
I walked up the steps in a fog and opened my door, taking a deep breath and sighing in relief. I felt secure in my small room. It wasn’t a jail cell as my friends had declared it. This room was my freedom from Ben, and from that moment on, it would be my liberation from Matt. The studio was a reminder of how far I’d come over the span of two years. ‘I will recover from this’, I assured myself. I went to the bathroom and put my clothes in the hamper. My drawer didn’t contain as many clean underwear as before. I made a mental note to buy more until I could summon up the courage to retrieve my things from Matt’s place. I needed to contact Glynnis and request she box up my things and leave them with the concierge. I found a nightgown and slipped it on. I decided to sleep the rest of the day.
I heard a beep on my cell phone indicating battery power was dangerously low. I was happy to have my charger. I plugged in the phone and turned it off. Slipping into my comfortable bed, the sheets were cool despite the summer heat outdoors. I was grateful for central air conditioning vented into the studio, and the room was equipped with a thermometer to control the temperature, which was rare in such a small space. I turned on my right side, hugged a pillow and slept.
When I woke up, it was dark outside. I looked at the alarm clock and saw it was after five in the evening. My stomach grumbled me awake. I still had some pre-made food I’d previously frozen. I walked to the freezer and pulled out a frozen meal. Tossing it into the microwave, I pressed the defrost button before heating. I felt weak, dizzy, and I grasped onto the counter taking deep breaths. The buzzer sounded on the microwave oven, and I punched buttons to heat the food through. I went to sit at the round café table, which served as my dining and office area. I was lost in my thoughts until the buzzer stopped. The smell of food made me hungry, but in turn, I felt nauseas. I took some deep breaths and stood slowly to get my food. It had been over twenty four hours since my last meal at lunch the day before.
I ate my food slowly so I wouldn’t get sick afterwards, feeling full faster than usual. I washed it down with a glass of water. I didn’t feel like cleaning up and I just soaked the container in a few drops of soap. I filled up a water bottle with water for my bedside table. Checking to see if Matt had tried to contact me, I turned on my phone to