Truly Tasteless Jokes Three Read Online Free PDF Page B

to hear about your husband, but I told you that if you kept on giving him cat food it would kill him.”
    The woman replied, “It wasn't the cat food that killed him. He broke his neck trying to lick his ass!”
    *
    Then there was a woman who was divorcing her husband on the grounds of “hobosexuality.”
    “Don't you mean homosexuality,” her friend asked.
    “No, hobosexuality. He's a bum fuck.”
    *
    A guy got a sunburn at a nude beach. Later, he found lovemaking unbearable, so he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of milk, and inserted himself. His girlfriend, watching from the door, said, “I've always wanted to know how men reloaded that thing!”
    *
    A new lumberjack had just finished his first month in the lonely wilds of Alaska, where there were no women for miles. He finally couldn't take it anymore and nervously asked the foreman what the men did to relieve the pressure.
    “Try the hole in the barrel outside the shower,” suggested the foreman. “The men swear by it.”
    The lumberjack dubiously tried it out and had the experience of his life. “That barrel is fantastic!” he said. “I'm going to use it every day!”
    “Every day but Wednesday,” the foreman said.
    “Why not Wednesday?”
    “That's your day in the barrel.”
    *
    A man is very horny, but also very broke. He manages to scrape up two dollars, however, and goes to the local whorehouse. The madam looks at his money and laughs. She explains that for two dollars there's a special cheapskate room. She ushers him down the hall and shows him into a room, leaving and closing the door behind her. In the room is a full-length mirror and a duck. The man looks at this, and says to himself, I'm not going to fuck a duck. However, after thinking it over, he remembers how horny he is, and figures, What the hell, I'll try anything once. A week later, he's horny again, but even more broke. He goes to the whorehouse with his last dollar. The madam laughs and tells him that for one dollar he can't fuck anything, but he can see a good show. She ushers him into a room where several men are gathered around a one-way window, laughing and screeching. Approaching the window, the man sees a guy getting it on with a goat. Remembering last week, he uncomfortably says, “I don't see what's so funny.” One of the spectators turns to him and says, “It's not as funny as last week. We had a guy here who was doing it with a duck!”
    *
    What are the five worst things about being a penis?
—You have a hole in your head.
—You have permanent ring-around-the-collar.
—Your next-door neighbors are two nuts and an asshole.
—Your best friend is a cunt.
—Every time you get excited, you throw up.

Female Anatomy
     
     
    Why did God give women nipples?
To make suckers out of men.
    *
    Why did the Detroit Lions hire two nuns and a prostitute for the new season?
Because they needed two tight ends and a wide receiver.
    *
    A fellow goes to confession and tells the priest, “Father, I've had an affair with another woman.”
    “I see,” says the priest, looking grave. “But I cannot grant you absolution until you tell me who she is.”
    “Well, okay, Father,” says the guy somewhat reluctantly. “Her name is Pussy Green, and she's a blonde and a knockout.”
    The following Sunday this gorgeous blonde makes her way down the aisle and into the front pew. The priest takes a few good looks and finally asks the altar boy, “Son, is that Pussy Green?”
    The altar boy stoops down and peers, then says, “No, Father, I think that's just the reflection from the stained glass windows.”
    *
    Why are clams like women?
When the red tide comes, you don't eat them.
    *
    Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher walked up to them and displayed his endowments. The first old lady had a stroke, the second old lady had a stroke, but the third old lady's arms were too short to reach.
    *
    Part of a certain Avon lady's territory included a ten-story high-rise