True Hollywood Lies Read Online Free PDF Page A

did Jasper.
    I know better. It was a line from one of his very first movies, in which he played James M. Barrie, the author of Peter Pan .
    Not exactly the best role model.
    A placement firm that specialized in such positions had obviously written the job description that was also enclosed. Its criteria were daunting enough to intimidate the unqualified but sufficiently covert to entice a real bootlicking go-getter. In part, it read:
    “PERSONAL ASSISTANT: Seeking an exceptional candidate who can enhance our client’s lifestyle and creative objectives. Must be responsible, flexible, an excellent problem solver, have a strong work ethic, and be the model of honesty and integrity. The ability to maintain the highest level of security and confidentiality at all times is essential. You will be on call 24 hours per day, 7 days per week. Responsibilities will cover a wide range of duties, as you will be overseeing our client’s complex lifestyle issues. Thus, you must have the ability to multitask while still remaining organized and focused on the tasks at hand. If you are an excellent planner with strong problem-solving skills, and thrive in a fast-paced environment, then you may be a great asset for this creative artist. However, you must be prepared to face adversity –
    What does this mean? Should I have trained with Special Ops?
    – You must also be fluent in etiquette and proper protocol when dealing with business and personal associates of our client. Exposure to European graces is a plus! You will be responsible for all details that allow your employer to stay focused, on time and on track by ensuring that creative and personal needs are met. Must feel comfortable working out of a home in an exclusive area of Hollywood. Duties include phones, some Internet, travel arrangements, and general organizing. Must have reliable transportation and valid driver’s license. Some travel, light cooking, and running errands. Experience in personal training and interior design would be beneficial . . . ”
    There was more, running almost as long as the U.S. tax code, but I won’t bore you with the rest. Suffice it to say that a combination of Mother Teresa, Miss Manners and Mary Poppins would be a perfect candidate – maybe.
    Who was this guy, anyway? The pope?
    And Jasper thought this gig was up my alley? It was worth it to interview, just to prove him wrong.
    * * *
    My appointment with Louis Trollope took place at his house, which sat high in the Hollywood Hills. It was a typical actor’s bachelor pad, which is to say it was a ramshackle stucco cottage with a Spanish tile roof, hidden deep inside a grove of madrone trees and overrun with bougainvillea. And, while it was merely adequate in the area of creature comforts, it received exceptionally high points for its breathtaking views of the city and the ocean beyond.
    I had zigzagged my way up Mulholland Drive then turned back south onto Laurel Canyon Boulevard. I was going faster than I should have, but only because my Beetle was running on fumes. Already the winter sun was setting, and I wanted to get there and back as fast as possible, reasoning that it would be better to coast downhill on empty in twilight than after dark.
    Svetlana’s directions ended at a nondescript driveway on a tiny dead-end lane off LCB. A tall wooden gate blocked the driveway. I pressed the security phone’s intercom button three times before getting a response: something garbled came out, but it ended with, “—love.”
    “I beg your pardon?” The last thing I was expecting was a term of endearment. I prayed he could hear me better than I had heard him.
    “Shit!” came his response. At first, I didn’t know what to think. Had my question offended him in some way? Or did he have Tourette’s Syndrome? Or was this just a sneak preview of his usual demeanor?
    “Sorry, love, that wasn’t meant for you. Somehow I—I disconnected my cell phone by mistake. Bloody piece of crap! Please, come up