True Hollywood Lies Read Online Free PDF Page B

that finds zookeepers for spoiled, pampered Hollywood brats.” He raised one eyebrow skyward and leaned back suggestively. “Our relationship would be a bit more low-key, casual. You’ll come to know me intimately—of course, I don’t mean that in an incestuous way. More like a doting sis, mind you.”
    My god! He’s flirting with me!
    Noting that his charm had brought about the desired result, Louis chuckled conspiratorially then eased me onto the settee alongside him. I fell between the cushions—thankfully not onto the cell phone, which had finally stopped growling.
    “Things are going crazy around here. I’m finishing up a film right now, and I’ve been offered three more movies, all wanting to go into production immediately. And, just my luck, they’re all great roles, but different, you know? That’s why you are so important to me.”
    You had me at “Hello to you, too”. . .
    Stop it! Been there, done that!
    To break his spell over me, I nodded my head, as if to indicate that, if it mattered to him, then it mattered to me, too—which he already took for granted.
    “One is the lead in the Terminator reboot: instant box office, of course, before the first frame is even in the can. But I’m dying to work with Brownstein, you know, that kid who ran away with all the offers at Sundance this year? He and I are talking about something small, edgy . . . smarter than the usual garbage thrown out by the studios.” His face took on a faraway look. Then a self-satisfied smile appeared. “And, I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors that I’m considering the lead in the remake of the Mad Max series.”
    I nodded again, enthusiastically, although, in truth, I hadn’t heard.
    “They were such classics! It was such a breakthrough role for Mel Gibson,” I said encouragingly. “I’d imagine it would be that for you, too.”
    “What do you mean, ‘breakthrough role’? I’ve already broken through.” The smile faded. His eyes went dark with wariness. Flippantly he added, “You know, Fleming’s estate wanted me for the lead in Bond reboot, but I passed. Ha! Terminator with Cameron is going to be my penance.”
    “Oh, really?” I feigned belief, but lacking the performance skills of even a reality TV show contestant, I don’t think I fooled him. He really couldn’t blame me for doubting the claim.
    “I’m for real, I swear! But my sodding agent at the time talked him out of it. Said I was too young for the role. That guy had it in for me because I fired him the year before! I’m now at ICA, with Zimmerman.” He ran his fingers through his golden tendrils, spiked with just enough hair goo to flop forward on cue.
    “Yes, I know Randy.” Randy Zimmerman had also been Leo’s agent, and was one of Hollywood’s most notorious man-ho’s.
    Yep, a real pig.
    On the many occasions in which I’d pointed this out to Leo, he’d responded by paraphrasing his favorite president, Franklin Delano Roosevelt (and, needless to say, with a spot on accent): “He may be a pig, but he’s my pig.”
    Any way you shake it, in Hollywood, your ability to negotiate several $20 million deals earns you that kind of loyalty.
    However, diplomacy (and credit card angst) gave me reasons to keep my mouth shut while Louis rationalized that bit of fate.
    “That’s okay. The Bond franchise wouldn’t have worked for me anyway. The producers didn’t get it when I suggested a major rewrite. I mean, what was that whole mourning-and-revenge plot line in Solace ? Craig came off as a pussy. Too many women, so little time, right?”
    It was a line taken straight out of the Leo handbook. Ah, how some things never change!
    “They should have begged me to take it—at least, that’s what they said in The Hollywood Reporter .”
    To prove my empathy, I tossed off this lame consolation: “Oh, well, as they say, ‘don’t go believing your own press clippings.’”
    “Why? What have you read? What have you heard?” Louis turned deadly