Troubles and Treats Read Online Free PDF Page A

liked how they slid through the crack of his ass when he bent over.
     Any time after that when, he would get his penis within five feet of me, I would run
     to the bathroom and throw up.  I was pretty sure he took defense to that.  It wasn't
     my fault the sight of his penis made me sick to my stomach.  He has a very pretty
     penis, actually, and I even drew a picture of it once.  There had just been something
     about how it looked like a jellyfish with one eye that made me queasy. Once Billy
     was born, I had just been too exhausted to even think about sex. 
                  Our son STILL doesn’t sleep through the night.  Right now, I just want a full night
     of sleep more than I want sex.  Okay, I'll take that back.  I do want sex.  Just not at appropriate times.  Every time I want it, Drew’s either sleeping
     or he’s at work.  It never happens when we’re in the same room together.  I can’t
     even masturbate right anymore.  The last time I tried, I fell asleep with my vibrator
     in my hand.  While it was still running.
    Drew had come home from work and found me sprawled out in bed with my arm flung off
     the side, clutching a big pink vibrator that was slowly losing juice.  Instead of
     sounding like wirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr , it sounded more like, wirr-rrr-wirrrr-r……rr.  I couldn’t help that the vibrations lulled me to sleep.  Now I knew why babies loved
     their vibrating bouncy seats.  Drew got excited when I loaded up on double-A batteries
     at the grocery store that week, and I made sure my nightstand was fully stocked with
     them.  I was pretty sure I could hear him weeping in the bathroom when he found out
     I just needed them so I could stick my vibrator under the mattress to help me fall
     asleep faster.  At least I thought he was weeping.  He had made some really funny
     sounds and when I had knocked on the bathroom door, he said he was busy reading.
    I need to do something to re-erect our love life.
    Re-erect?  Is that a word?  That’s the word I’m looking for, right?  Whatever.
    First, I need to do something to get myself in shape.  Three months post-baby and
     I still feel big as a house.  I lost all the baby weight pretty quickly, but I still
     feel like my ass is huge.  I also need to do something about my vagina.  There is
     no way it feels the same to him when we have sex.  Although, we haven’t really had
     sex since Billy was born.  I let him get halfway in and then he made some comment
     about my sloppy vagina and I told him to get off of me.  Plenty of women have natural
     child birth and they don’t have floppy vaginas. I've looked it up on the internet. 
     I've tried to look at mine with a mirror and my leg up on the sink of the bathroom. 
     That had been right after I got home from the hospital with Billy though and it was
     a hot mess.  I probably should have waited a few more weeks, but now I can’t look
     at raw ground meat without crossing my legs and wincing.
    Basically, I’m afraid to have sex with my husband.  He’s always loved my vagina. 
     He even has a shirt that says: I love my wife’s vagina.  What if having sex with me
     now is like fucking a bowl of Jell-O Jigglers?  That is not at all hot, especially
     if they’re green Jell-O Jigglers.  I’m not saying my vagina is green, but I’m sure
     it’s jiggly.  I shook it a little when I had looked at it in the mirror and it definitely
     wiggled when it jiggled.  Vagina’s should never jiggle.
    I am going to leave work early and go to a yoga class.  Getting my body in shape might
     help make me feel better and then I can work on getting Drew to help out more around
     the house so I’m not so tired all of the time.  Drew doesn’t work tonight so he’s
     home with the kids all day.  Maybe a little bending and stretching will get things
     back to where they’re supposed to be, and I won’t have to worry about the lips of
     my vagina hanging low and wobbling to