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know I’m attractive to men. But to you, Murdo, the drink was more attractive.’
    â€˜It wasn’t as simple as that.’
    â€˜Wasn’t it?’
    â€˜No,’ Murdo said. ‘You’ve got to understand, I had a good reason for going on the drink that night.’
    â€˜What good reason?’ Rachel said.
    â€˜The tour was going to come to an end in a few days’ time,’ Murdo said. ‘All during that day in Golspie, the feeling grew stronger and stronger within me that I was all alone in this world.’
    â€˜All alone?’ Rachel said. ‘But the place was jam packed that night.’
    â€˜Before we started,’ Murdo said, ‘I was at the door of the committee room peeping out at the people as they were coming in, and I wondered why I couldn’t have alife like them: a cosy little world where you’d be living with someone who loved you and whom you loved back, where you’d do your best, even though you’d never have glorious success.’
    â€˜And?’ Rachel said.
    â€˜And I made myself a promise I’d be all right, and I took a dram,’ Murdo said.
    â€˜And you got drunk?’
    â€˜Pissed as a newt,’ Murdo said.
    â€˜And you carried on like that . . . in Dingwall and Aultbea . . .’ Rachel said. ‘Do you know that when you didn’t appear in those places I still had to pay for the hall and I had to pay folk back for the tickets they’d bought?’
    â€˜I had no choice,’ Murdo said.
    â€˜You’re kidding yourself on, Murdo,’ Rachel said.
    â€˜How?’
    â€˜You were frothing at the mouth just now telling me how you’d like to have a normal life like other people,’ Rachel said. ‘Lies! All your life, Murdo, you’ve been running away from the world by drinking too much. It’s high time you stood up and showed us the real Murdo. The boozing is destroying you . . . and those nearest to you.’
    â€˜This is too hard,’ Murdo said. ‘I’ve got to go.’
    â€˜I can’t stop you . . . and I can’t help you either,’ Rachel said.
    â€˜I know,’ Murdo said. ‘This one’s up to me.’
    â€˜Murdo, people have been too willing to help you,’ Rachel said. ‘That’s what’s wrong. We’re too fond of you, too fond of listening to you when you’re on a creative roll, so you’ve been spoiled by us all. It was too easy for you to get forgiveness, and you got it too often.’
    â€˜I told you already I’d get you the money,’ Murdo said.
    â€˜Let’s have a proper deal,’ Rachel said. ‘You keep sober and get the money. Then I’ll give you a reward.’
    â€˜A reward?’
    â€˜I’ll give you the chance to make things better between us,’ Rachel said.
    â€˜I’ll keep off the drink, I’ll get the money and . . . then, I’ll get . . . the chance of getting close too you again?’ Murdo said.
    â€˜I know you need some time to think about it,’ Rachel said. ‘It’s just a proposal I’m making to you. I know what it’s like to be alone.’
    â€˜I’ll need to find someone with a fat wallet,’ Murdo said.
    â€˜Go,’ Rachel said. ‘Remember, Murdo, two o’clock at the latest . . . and “the ocean of a thousand kisses” tonight.’
    â€˜How much did I borr— How much did I steal?’ Murdo said.
    â€˜Three hundred pounds.’
    â€˜Well, I’ll get us three hundred and fifty,’ Murdo said and jumped out the van.
    Â 
    That’s our Rachel. A tough lady. But she’s not without fault herself. She used to smoke and I hated that. I told her it wasn’t feminine. She chucked it and she now chews tobacco. Ha ha. Joking, only joking. But, she can be pretty determined when she puts her mind to it. When she wants to be, she can be as tough as . . . well, if you want proof of how