Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work Without Using Weapons or Duct Tape Read Online Free PDF Page B

team to be in early for her leadership meetings. She had no tolerance for child-care issues or illness. If she wanted something completed, she had no problem in requiring that the work be taken home. A few people learned from her because she was very successful in turning around broken departments and building profits, but these people had to have very tough skins. She intimidated much of the staff.
    What would you do in this situation? What would your plan be?
    Does your Steamroller totally control meetings? Having meeting ground rules (outlined in Chapter 4) is an excellent way to better manage a group setting that includes this upsetting kind of behavior. One ground rule to add is the time-out. If you work with someone who really knows how to push your buttons, say that you are working on being a better communicator and need the person’s help. Continue by explaining, “I want to make sure I am responding appropriately, so when I am not able to do this, I will call a time-out. My promise is that I will come back to you within 24 hours”—or whatever time period is appropriate—“and give you my comments and input. This will save you time and relay better information to you.” Play with the words and outline a couple of sentences that fit with your normal communications. Practice and learn it!
    You will see that many of the techniques for dealing with these Toxic People are not exclusive to a single type.

    What to Say
    Reduce the Steamroller’s impact by considering some of this language:
“It seems we’ve reached a dead end here. Let me think over your ideas.”
    “Kim, as I was saying, I have a solution for this problem!”
    “That is very true and is definitely a first step. I’d like your ideas on additional steps.”
    “You may be right. Help me understand where you are coming from.”
    “As professionals, I know this is something we can resolve. Wouldn’t you agree?”
    Behaviors to Avoid
    With Steamrollers, you must learn not to take their jabs and aggression personally. This is difficult if your feeling of self-worth is below par. Never put yourself down, because one goal of the Steamroller is to feel better at your expense. Stop hiding from them and avoiding them. They will hunt you down and make you pay—in public! In addition, don’t act hurt or be too vulnerable. They will eat you alive. Remember that behaviors fail; you don’t!
    Late as usual! Jerry huffed into the meeting, dramatically pulled out the large leather chair, and spread his papers over his allotted space at the conference table. After taking a quick glance at the agenda he had approved, he loudly said, “Morgan, I’ve already told you not to distribute the agenda before I arrive. Do I need to remind you again? Or perhaps I should get you, my assistant, a keeper.”
    Morgan replied, “When we all agreed in the last meeting to have ground rules, it included your point of having an agenda that you approve ahead of time. You signed off yesterday on this agenda. I know how busy you are!” 
    She continued, “Also, you agreed when we set the ground rules to begin and end on time no matter who was missing. So, we were just following your ground rules. It is working well and saving everyone time so we can all be more productive.” She turned to the group and said, “Isn’t that right?” Everyone nodded, and verbal affirmations filled the room. “We have a point person who will bring you up to date on what we have already discussed,” Morgan added. “Jake, why don’t you and Jerry take five minutes to catch up? The rest of us will take a quick biological break. Great. See you all in five minutes. Thank you, Jerry.” Smiling confidently, she picked up her coffee cup and headed for a refill. She knew it had gone well, and she was proud that she had not wavered.

Chapter 4 - The Zipper Lip
    Take 1: How They Sound
    Sally was at it again—not contributing to the team brainstorming meeting. Jim, the team leader, was tired of