Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work Without Using Weapons or Duct Tape Read Online Free PDF

surprisingly, Jerry’s brainstorming meeting was unsuccessful, because everyone was too terrified to speak.
    So, what would you do in this situation? Would you know how to identify the kind of Toxic Person depicted in this example?
    Could you respond appropriately to create a more productive environment?
    Names Will Never Hurt Me
    Steamrollers, like Jerry, can also be known as exploders, dominators, tyrants, dictators, bullies, autocrats, oppressors, persecutors, or tormenters. We all have had at least one of these in our lives as an authoritative parent, boss, colleague, or friend. They are not much fun to be around.
    What to Look For
    Steamrollers are very intimidating. Their favorite stance is to get control by putting others down, and they do this very subtly. They like to rule from a command post and attack without warning so they are in the power position. Typically, they are fast to attack and quick to anger. Being judgmental is part of the package, and they love to say no to changes they haven’t initiated, because that way they keep control of the power. Listening to new ideas and suggestions for the implementation of new and innovative processes does not play well because of Steamrollers’ rigidity. When they are angered, they are loud and their volume is usually elevated to command attention.
    Steamrollers want you to interpret their messages in ways that will further intimidate you and make you question your approach to them. This is what they want you to hear:
“Don’t expect me to be part of the charm brigade.”
    “I won’t give you a fair break no matter how hard you try.”
    “Give in to me and I won’t hurt you.”
    “Let me have my own way or I will humiliate you and carry a grudge.”
    “Defer to me and I’ll pretend I like you.”
    “If you want to be criticized, ask me to do something.”
    “Do not arouse me—I’ll attack.”
    The Payoff for the Steamroller’s Toxic Behavior
    Steamrollers have figured out that this surly behavior works, and they really don’t care if they are liked. They maintain control and power by bullying people. Since most people fear them, communications from others are limited and the Steamrollers don’t have to take responsibility. They like being feared because people leave them alone.

    Survival Tactics
    Learn what communication skills and approaches work in dealing with Steamrollers. Listen and be patient. When you don’t get the outcomes you want, understand why and what skill you will polish and improve. Train yourself to be firm and direct while maintaining graciousness.
    Don’t give a knee-jerk response or react inappropriately.
    Steamrollers are much more clever than you and will triumph every time. When they are on the path of confrontation, wait, pause, and think. And remember—don’t attack. They are better at it than you are, and they have had more practice.
    Use their names to get their attention. Interestingly, we all hear our own name over anything else said. Maintain direct eye contact without glaring or giving them a surly look.
    You must stay calm. Focus on staying composed by monitoring your tone and volume. Begin by deep breathing to get the oxygen surging from the lower part of your lungs to your brain. When Steamrollers attack, you will have a tendency to revert to the fight-or-flight response—wanting to hit them or run away.
    Concentrate on the words you should be using. This simple step will keep you focused and using the strategic part of your brain rather than being entwined in the mental terrorist part of your thinking. Watch your self-talk, because the minute you start saying to yourself, “Well, here we go again. I guess they really are better than I am, so I will just give up,” that’s when you do.
    When you get angry, you are giving your power up to the Steamrollers, and that is just what they want. You will rarely win with them.
    Mabel knew what she wanted: success and control at any price. She expected her management