Three Days in April Read Online Free PDF Page B

trouble.”
    â€œHe did.”
    Gary raises one eyebrow.
    â€œAnders, the broke former Eagle Scout who has never had so much as a parking ticket. Mostly because he’s never owned a car, but still.”
    â€œBroke, huh?”
    â€œTotally. Seeming like less of a catch now?”
    â€œLots of nice stuff here.”
    â€œI didn’t say I was broke.”
    I take another look around. His gear is actually better than I’d thought. The recliners are real leather, and on closer inspection, so is the sofa. The floor looks to be some kind of hardwood under the raggedy throw rugs, and the climate control is first rate.
    â€œSo what did you say you do for a living?”
    He shrugs.
    â€œYou know. Stuff. Data entry and whatnot.”
    â€œRight. And you let Anders live here because . . .”
    â€œHe pays rent. Most of the time, anyway. And sometimes he helps out with . . . stuff.”
    â€œData entry and whatnot.”
    â€œRight.”
    Another long silence follows. Finally, Gary says “House. Vids. General. SpaceLab .”
    The wallscreen comes alive. I’ve never heard of SpaceLab , but apparently it’s an animation that takes place on an orbital platform. The characters all seem to be either drunk or mentally defective, which right from the jump doesn’t make a ton of sense. I’ve met a few actual orbital jocks, and you really couldn’t imagine a more sober and un-­defective bunch.
    Gary starts snickering about thirty seconds in, so I guess it’s supposed to be a comedy, but I’m having a hard time figuring out the joke. On top of that, the animation is terrible. The characters’ faces have a rubbery look to them that’s just off enough to make you realize they’re not real ­people, which in a weird way is more disturbing than if they were completely stylized. I tolerate about five minutes, then close my eyes and say “Is this really the best we can do?”
    â€œPause,” he says. He looks profoundly hurt. “Don’t tell me you’re not a fan of SpaceLab ?”
    I turn to look at him.
    â€œI’ve never seen this before, but based on the last five minutes, yeah, I think I can say with some confidence that I am not a fan of SpaceLab .”
    â€œHow can you not appreciate SpaceLab ?” He leans forward and chops the air with one hand. “ SpaceLab is classic social satire. It reflects modern society back to us through a funhouse mirror, and forces us to confront the absurdities in our everyday lives.”
    I shake my head.
    â€œFirst, I’m pretty sure you just repeated back something that you read on somebody’s vid-­critic feed. Second, I just watched the science officer of a space station get into a feces-­flinging fight with his captain, whose brain had apparently been switched with a chimpanzee’s. Which parts of my everyday life is this reflecting back at me?”
    â€œWell . . . it’s not meant to be taken literally. It’s a metaphor.”
    â€œA metaphor?”
    â€œOr a simile. Maybe it’s a simile? Which one has ‘like’ in it?”
    â€œThat’s a simile.”
    â€œThen it’s definitely a metaphor.”
    â€œYou don’t look like an idiot,” I say after a long pause, “but you are one, aren’t you?”
    He slumps, and his voice drops an octave.
    â€œYes.”
    I sigh and run my fingers back through my hair.
    â€œFine. Satirize the crap out of me. Play.”
    â€œGary?” says the House.
    He perks up immediately.
    â€œYeah, play.”
    So I sit through the last seven minutes of the episode. It does not get noticeably better. We learn that the captain switched bodies with the chimp in order to negotiate with a band of space-­faring monkeys who were threatening to destroy the station. He eventually returns from his mission and restores order by swapping back into his own body and placing