This Girl Stripped Read Online Free PDF Page B

Except this time, I’m missing warm tattooed arms wrapped around me like a cocoon of safety.

Come Back to Life
    “Enough is enough, Paisley! Get your ass out of bed. Today, you talk.” Star stormed through my room like a fucking tornado. “I've let you off the hook since you got here. I’ve let you be since you moped around on Thanksgiving. Paisley, something is wrong and it isn't going to get any better until you talk about it. Take if from me. I know!”
    I knew it was only a matter of time before Star would do this. If I was her, I wouldn’t have waited as long as she did. She could see I was hurting, and gave me my space. I appreciated it. That time was now gone. If anyone knew about having fucked up shit happen to them, it was Star. She might as well have been the queen of fucked up.
    I pull the sheets to my chin and pat my hand on the comforter next to me. She finishes opening all the shades in my bedroom before taking a seat next to me. I want to ask her for chocolate and wine before I get started. I let out a little chuckle to myself. That’s when I realize just how not funny this all is. My life is in fucking tatters and I don't even know where to begin repairing it.
    “I was raped.” The words come out stone cold. No emotion. I feel like I’ve disconnected with my body when I think about it. The hurt is still there, but I’ve built a wall so high, no one will ever be able to climb it. Star lets out a strangled cry and moves closer to me. Her arms pull me in close and I can't help but trace the outlines of her My Little Pony tattoos. It gives me something to think about. Something to take my mind off the story I’m telling her.
    “It was in Florida. I became a stripper to pay some bills. I thought it was a good idea at the time, but I was just too naïve. I let a customer drive me home, and he attacked me.” I shake out of her embrace. I just need my own space when I talk about it. Her arms around me remind me far too much of his touch.
    “He beat the living shit out of me. I passed out and when I woke up the next morning there was blood all over my crotch and legs.” Crotch? Who actually uses that word? It’s all I can use to disconnect the sexual nature of what happened. Pussy, cunt, vagina, those words ring in my mind with pleasure. What he did to me was about power. It was dirty and disgusting.
    She remains quiet, avoiding eye contact as my gaze drifts out the window next to my bed. The snow is beautiful and pure. Everything I will never be again. Because of him.
    “Star, when I was staying with Seven...” I stop for a moment and take a deep breath because this is the most painful part of the story. It didn't hurt when he beat me to a bloody pulp. It didn't hurt when he stole my virtue. It doesn't hurt that I have to live with the memory of him. It hurts knowing that I killed a piece of me. It kills me. Guts me from the inside-out.
    “I found out I was pregnant.” I can feel the tears pooling in my eyes. But, I refuse to blink and let them spill. I can't. I can make it through this without crying. It is part of moving on. I think?
    “I had an abortion, Star. A couple days before Thanksgiving.” As much as I try and hold back my sobs, they slip out. My cries carry through the room, as my sister embraces me once again. I cry on her shoulder for the first time since I was a very young girl. She’s safe to me. She’s home. But, I can't help but think about the person I really want comforting me right now. River. Where was he? Was he thinking about me too?
    It’d been days since Thanksgiving. Days since he told me he would never leave me. Never walk away. Then I locked him out. I rejected him and pushed him away. I wasn't ready for him, or whatever it was that he wanted. If he wanted anything from me.
    I am beyond fucked up. I need to heal before I can even consider thinking about another person.
    “I'm so sorry you went through that all alone, Paisley. I wish you would have come to