The Year I Went Pear-Shaped Read Online Free PDF Page A

not-very-teensy, minutes later. Right on Sister but I don’t think that’s what Germaine and the other feminists had in mind when they were fighting for a women’s right to choose.
    Once I’d got Nancy off the phone, I took it off the hook to get a bit of peace while I transcribed a phone interview I’d done the day before with Josh Reddi, a former jeans model who had been ‘discovered’ in a shopping mall and was now the latest young stud to strut his stuff up and down Springston Beach on TV soap Home & Hearth .
    Playing the tape back, I heard myself ask, “so are you enjoying working on Home & Hearth ?”
    “Y’know Darl, it’s fantastic.”  He replied in a thick, Awstrayan drawl. “Everyone’s been so friendly and welcoming...”
    Well, that’s a lie for a start. According to my TV sources, the other cast members seriously resent the fact that some pretty boy who can"t even spell NIDA is being given better story lines than them.
    “...and it’s a great opportunity to extend my acting skills…” he continued.
    Acting whats?
    “…I dunno if anyone’s told you Darla but during uni break I toured my own one man show through Estonia. It was a sci fi cum Dr Seuss interpretation of Romeo and Juliet. The Capulets were blue aliens from planet Zorax and the Montagues were Trudoids with stars on their tummies from planet Troyd. It’s pretty avant garde stuff to be honest Darl, I wrote it myself and I think it might’ve been a bit too deep for a lot of the Estonian audience.”
    But perfect for a stoned audience.
    “Sounds amazing Josh, so anyway, can we expect any sizzling scenes between you and Vanda in up and coming episodes of Home & Hearth ?”
    “Yeah, heh heh, my character Todd gets into a bit of a steamy bedroom clincher with Vanda while her parents are helping put out a fire in the pub started by an arsonist, and saving a litter of new born Labrador puppies. I loved shooting that scene, let me tell you Darl, Vanda is a hottie!”
    Another lie. It was a well known ‘secret’ in media circles that Josh was as gay as a queue for Kylie tickets. He spent most weekends hanging out in bars on Oxford Street with names like "Manzone", wearing electric pink cowboy chaps and a Lone Ranger mask.
    Just as Josh was telling me about the subtle dramatic devices he called on to give his character new levels of depth and insight, the shrill shriek of Katerina shot through my headphones and ricocheted off my ear lobes.
    I screamed, yanking my earphones out and got a second, heart-stopping shock when I whirled around and found her face just inches from mine.
    “Jeezus Kat, what the hell do you want!?”
    “Sorry Darl, but Arabella’s been calling you, she wants us in her office for a meeting about next month’s features in two minutes.
    “Ok, ok, but I’ll need a caffeine hit to get through that. Tell her I’ll be there in three minutes, I’m just going to pop to the vending machine for a can of diet Jolt.”
    Five minutes later I was sitting at Arabella’s round meeting table with Mandy, Kat, Arabella and Naomi. In front of each of them was a bottle of sparkling Evian mineral water. My can of diet Jolt -- three times more caffeine than Cola -- stood out like the black sheep in a sea of virgin lambs.
    “Right, we need to finalise the mix of features for next month,” Arabella said. “We’ve got the real life horror story about the girl whose fiancé was arrested for murder two hours before the wedding, you’re onto that aren’t you Kat?”
    Kat nodded enthusiastically. “Yep! It’s all fine and she’s pretty and thin enough to photograph as well.”
    “Good. Then there’s the piece on that low-GI diet that everyone in Hollywood has lost shedloads of weight on. We’re going to add a seven day, low-GI diet plan with it for the reader to try…”
    “Oooh, low-GI is sooo excellent!” Kat butted in. “My best friend Sara Sloane-Bartrum swears by it! She lost six kilos in two weeks! Although, she