The Would-Begetter Read Online Free PDF Page A

said, ‘I’m being serious you know, and I’m not the Press. I just happen to think you’re someone rather special, and I want to fill out this mental picture I have of you; give it depth, foundations…’
    ‘You mean you want to find out which pigeon-hole to file me in?’
    ‘Well, yes if you like. I mean, if a person had spent his adolescence in hospital, say, he might turn out rather differently than if he hadn’t. History leaves its mark, and I find people’s scars interesting.’
    ‘Oh I
see,’
Caroline said, breaking into a wide smile. ‘You’re after the skeletons in my cupboard: deceived lovers, drug abuse, corruption in high places… yes?’
    Hector sat back as their main course was served. He was frowning and his face looked flushed. I must be careful, Caroline thought, not to push him too far or he’ll go right off me, and this whole evening will be a complete waste of time. As the waiter withdrew, they both started talking at once.
    ‘You’ve got me all wrong…’ Hector began.
    ‘Forget it,’ Caroline said, ‘I’m…’
    ‘Sorry?’
    ‘I’m sorry too. I can never resist a tease. Just tell me what it is you want to know and I’ll do my best to give you straight answers.’
    ‘How about if I tell you things about me, and then you tell me things about you in return? Then we could really get to know each other.’
    ‘If you like.’
    ‘Right. Shall I start?’ Hector drew a deep breath. ‘I’ve had a vasectomy.’
    ‘Did it hurt?’
    ‘NO! You’re supposed to say something relevant in reply to that, such as, “I’m on the pill”.’
    ‘Does it have to be the truth?’ she asked. Hector looked as if he might give up in disgust at any moment. ‘Well I could say I was,’ Caroline explained hurriedly, ‘but I’m not, so it would be a lie. But I’m glad you’ve been tied off. It’s always such a reassuring thought, isn’t it?’
    ‘You’re not keen on children then?’
    ‘Oh I didn’t say that. It’s just that at the moment my career is more important to me than babies.’
    ‘Women tend to change their attitude once they’ve got one, or so I’m led to believe,’ Hector said.
    ‘Well this one isn’t likely to. When, if, it ever happens, I have absolutely no intention of giving up my job.’
    ‘Oh,’ Hector frowned again.
    ‘Well, go on then.’
    ‘I will, when you’ve said yours,’ Hector said. ‘Otherwise it’s not fair.’
    ‘Oh OK. I give in. I use a cap and spermicide.’
    The waiter, who was holding a bottle over Hector’s glass at this moment, jumped, and spilt red wine on to the table. Hector, strangely, appeared not to notice. He was smiling broadly. He paused calmly whilst the nervous waiter reappeared with a cloth and mopped up the mess, and then he leaned towards Caroline confidentially and said, ‘My sister has diabetes’.
    ‘Oh that’s tough…’ Then she saw the irritated look on Hector’s face and said hastily, ‘Well I haven’t actually got a sister, but… um… I had measles when I was four. Will that do?’
    Hector sighed. ‘My IQ is 140,’ he said.
    ‘Heavens! Mine’s 125… I think. Or is that the beginning of my PIN number? I never can remember.’
    ‘I vote Conservative,’ Hector said grimly.
    ‘Yes, you would. I’m a Lib Dem myself.’
    ‘I’m divorced.’
    ‘I guessed as much. I’ve never made the mistake of getting married.’
    ‘I have a private income on top of my salary.’
    ‘I’m fabulously wealthy too.’
    ‘Now you’re just pissing me about.’ Hector looked hurt.
    ‘Well, it’s just that this strikes me as a most peculiar way to conduct a conversation. Is this how you normally chat someone up?’
    ‘Would you like a sweet?’ the waiter enquired.
    ‘Go away!’ Hector growled. ‘We’re not ready’
    ‘Certainly sir.’
    ‘OK,’ Hector said to her. ‘One more, and then we’ll stop. Right?’
    ‘If you say so.’
    ‘C-haugh!’ He cleared his throat. ‘Last one. Um… several of my