The Weed Agency Read Online Free PDF Page A

much-needed tax cuts.
    Two years later, after repeatedly pestering the Central Intelligence Agency for a briefing on the subject, Bader eventually learned that the Halogeton problem in the Western states was, in all likelihood, a natural occurrence and not deliberate Soviet sabotage. But by then, the increased infusion of cash from the 1981 budget proposal was now part of the baseline for the agency’s annual funding level. Humiliated, Bader did what he could to erase any record of him touting the AIS effort against the Soviets.
    Month by month, Bader found himself increasingly on the outside of the administration’s inner circle. He wasn’t invited to the same meetings, phone calls went unreturned, memos missed him, he learned of administration decisions in the
Washington Post
. He expected to find himself the target of leaks in the
Post
and other publications, but sadly realized he was below the threshold of political relevance; he, his decisions, and his work simply weren’t important enough to leak about anymore.
    In 1984, Bader left the White House and joined the Washington office of a private investment firm.

    MARCH 1985
    U.S. National Debt: $1.7 trillion
    Budget, USDA Agency of Invasive Species: $45.4 million
    Now earning good money in the private sector, Bader took his wife for an anniversary dinner at the restaurant atop the Kennedy Center.
    On the car radio on the way there, a Norwegian trio urged listeners to embrace the potential confrontation, as the singer would be gone in a day or two. They parked and strode to the massive performance hall, enjoying the first warm night of spring. Bader knew he was supposed to be celebratory, but looking down the Mall at the Capitol Dome, just beyond the Washington Monument, reminded him of his task unfinished. He was making gobs of money now, but he still had that seething fury every spring as tax season approached.
    His mood turned significantly worse when he entered the dining room and saw Humphrey, Mr. Halogeton Menace himself, finishing his meal. After the host brought Bader and his wife to their table, he excused himself and immediately began hunting Humphrey.
    A moment later, he found him, standing upon the terrace, looking out at the Mall.
    “Hey, Humphrey! Run into any Soviet spies in those cornfields lately?” Bader sneered.
    “Come again?” Humphrey instantly recognized Bader, butfeigned not remembering him for a few seconds. “Ah, yes, Mr. Bader! Formerly of the White House! How are things?”
    Bader scowled. “I should have known everything you would say was absolute horsesh—”
    “Mr. Bader, as I recall, everything I told you represented the very best information we had at the time. Don’t tell me that the intervening years have made you … less vigilant about the Soviet threat.”
    Bader stepped forward, and for a moment, the patrons who noticed their tense exchange thought Bader would knock Humphrey’s teeth down his throat. But instead he merely jabbed a finger into Humphrey’s sternum with striking force.
    “You humiliated me, Humphrey. I trusted you, you manipulated me, and I looked like a fool because of you! You tricked me into approving taxpayer money getting shoveled down that rat hole of yours! Nobody plays me for a fool.”
    Humphrey couldn’t help himself. “You can’t say no one does something immediately after you declare that I have done that precise act.”
    The veins in Bader’s neck bulged. “I will make you pay.”
    “Oh, Nicholas …” Humphrey slowly backed away. “There’s no need to take a budgetary disagreement so personally.”
    “I’m serious, Humphrey. I don’t care if it takes years: Someday I’m going to cut the budget for your agency to a great … big … zero.”
    He stormed off. Humphrey chuckled, concluding that Nick Bader was more likely to sprout wings than to make good on his threat.
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    1 U.S. Department of Agriculture, Department of Farm Services, Bureau of Agricultural Risk