The Watchman of Ephraim (Book Club Edition) Read Online Free PDF Page B

that out loud.
    Since 9/11, De Niro tried desperately hard to make sense of it all. His Italian-Spanish blood boiled as his old neighborhood temperament demanded revenge, but something else had taken root in his life too. In the middle of the night and in solitude, he found himself on his knees praying to his Father in Heaven, calling out as a boy does for his Father to save him from what lurked in the darkness around him …and the darkness inside him. Night after night, after tucking his sons in, he’d cry his eyes out. It was as if a deep crater formed in his heart, in the place where Lisa was ripped from it. That hole, as deep as his soul, was filling with self-pity and rage and both were consuming him. De Niro sensed the cold presence of demons in his midst, waiting for an invitation to let them dwell with him. Something had to give… and it did, on the first anniversary of Lisa’s death, on the first anniversary of 9/11, De Niro felt himself die.
    While the rest of the country mourned and kept vigil; the masses comforting each other with their tears and their prayers, De Niro spent the day locked in his room, missing Lisa so badly he could no longer breathe. Not even looking at the faces of his children could save him. He lashed out as someone would if they were suffocating to death, breaking everything in his reach. Shelves once filled with photos of his wife lay shattered and lying around him in tatters. With his arms and hands bloody and his face covered in sweat and tears, he fell into a deep, dead slumber. It was only when rays of sunshine broke through his bedroom window and touched his face the next morning that he realized he was still alive; he had survived the night, but it was more than that.
    De Niro felt reborn, not of the same kind that some Christians professed, with their hands poked out to the heavens hollering, “I accepted Jay-zus and he saved me,” as if they had already arrived in the Kingdom. De Niro didn’t feel like he arrived anywhere, yet. It was more like he was setting off on a new path, one without his soulmate Lisa, but nevertheless one that he wouldn’t travel alone. And though the rage inside him didn’t abate, over time he believed his newfound faith would teach him how to harness its power. De Niro learned he could live with his wounded heart if he dedicated the rest of his life to honoring her memory. The focus of his life would no longer be just making money; it would be putting all of his vast wealth to work for a purpose. Lisa and he had always given to charities. He continued that giving by setting up a trust in her name but he had to do more. While his primary focus was his sons, he vowed to do more.
    The terrorists made it personal on 9/11. As they always do, they targeted civilians. To them, no American is innocent. It didn’t matter that they murdered people from over seventy different countries on 9/11, they considered them collateral damage. It didn’t matter that some of their own faith would have to commit suicide to get the job done; to them they would be rewarded in heaven. It made De Niro furious. He felt that his country let him down on 9/11 too. To him, democrats and republicans alike politicized our nation’s security, their ideologies once again colliding like a train wreck. This time though, the result wasn’t higher taxes or unemployment, this time innocent lives were lost. Nevertheless, De Niro was still a patriot, he just didn’t feel patriotic anymore – the fireworks on the fourth of July would never burn as brightly to him as the candle he lit each year, in remembrance of his wife and the others that lost their lives on 9/11.
    The most difficult thing De Niro had to come to terms with was his faith. At first, he studied scriptures looking for a loophole – some tenet that would allow him to strike back at the people that murdered Lisa, but there were none. In fact, De Niro’s God, the Christian God commanded that vengeance was His and His alone.