The Unexpected Occurrence of Thaddeus Hobble Read Online Free PDF Page B

jovial demeanour soured.
    â€˜Oh Mimsie!’ he sobbed, dashing to a patch of lawn and dropping to his knees in despair. He rubbed his hands on the moist grass, bringing his hands back to his face to sniff them. ‘She was here, enjoying the fresh scent of our glorious natural world. I looked once and she was alive and happy, I looked again and she was strewn asunder with her beautiful thick neck cut clean in two.’ He looked into the trees. ‘I saw a figure shoot off in that direction carrying two sagging meaty lumps that were once her breasts, never to be seen again.’
    â€˜He went off in that direction, but he need not have necessarily come from that direction,’ Stephen remarked.
    â€˜I did not see him arrive, no.’
    â€˜He may not be a he at all,’ Peter thought out loud. ‘This could be the work of a woman.’
    â€˜I am sure it was a man, though his features and clothing were ambiguous in the fractured haze.’
    â€˜Are you absolutely sure that he went off that way,’ Peter questioned, pondering upon the stain inside, ‘and not into the house?’
    â€˜Indeed. Tis I who darted in that direction to raise the alarm. I had my poor wife’s blood all over my person after cradling her – it went everywhere.’
    Peter could now see that the bloodied figure was indeed Hobble – he was weeping, whining about who could do this awful thing to his beloved. So distraught was he at the sight of his wife’s innards now splashed haphazardly about the place – from his own hands, clothing and shoes – that he manically tore his shirt off and sought to polish them away with it.
    â€˜These murders plaguing Myrtleville,’ Stephen sighed, ‘always women of a certain age, always out in the open, and always some body part removed. They are wicked crimes.’
    â€˜Women are not safe to sit in their gardens, let alone walk the streets,’ Hobble sniffled. ‘I shall keep dear Willemina under lock and key from now on.’
    â€˜That would be a terrible shame for one so pretty,’ Stephen chirped.
    Hobble got up and rushed back to the men. ‘Are you wealthy, my boy?’ he asked Stephen with more than a hint of desperation.
    â€˜I may be, why?’
    â€˜If my daughter’s hand is to be offered in marriage, then I must know it is not to a man so simply after the Hobble fortune.’ He clasped Stephen’s hand, and instantly there was the sense that the Hobble fortune was not as vast as was being made out. Stephen and Peter both eyed each other, having been delivered the same impression.
    â€˜The Hobble fortune,’ Peter uttered, stroking the downy whiskers of his sideburns, ‘I hear it hast diminished.’
    â€˜What?’ Hobble sneered, pulling his hand from Stephen and pointing it at Peter. ‘Where did you hear that from? Lies! Sheer lies!’
    â€˜We heard it from you,’ Peter said with some glee.
    â€˜From your own mind,’ Stephen added.
    â€˜But how?’ Hobble fumbled, stumbling back. ‘Sorcery!’
    â€˜By using our skills – skills which will aid in the capture of your wife’s slayer,’ Peter promised.
    Hobble paced around, variously rubbing at his face and pulling at his baggy gown. Darren emerged from within the house and stood watch. ‘You will be rewarded well if you can achieve such a feat,’ Hobble committed, catching sight of Darren.
    â€˜I would like an official introduction to your delightful daughter Willemina, Mr Hobble,’ Stephen asked.
    â€˜Of course, of course; come hence and it shall occur at once.’
    The two men marched back into the house as Peter stepped onto the lawn and approached the scene of the crime. Darren lingered behind him as he closed his eyes and sniffed the air.
    â€˜What are you doing, you fool?’ Darren laughed.
    â€˜I am reaching out to The Space for assistance in solving these