The True Tale of the Monster Billy Dean Read Online Free PDF Page A

she said.
    He snarld at her.
    Ill carl him bluddy wors than that the bluddy styoopid fool! How the bluddy hell wil he survive? How dus he think hell cope if we let him owt?
    He clenchd his fists & wayvd them in the air.
    Wy did we let him surviyv? he yelled. Wots the bluddy styoopid poynt of him?
    Mam carld his naym.
    Wilfred! O Wilfred!
    Wilfred O bliddy Wilfred! He anserd. Wilfred O bliddy Wilfred shud hav ended it befor it ever begun!
    He leend rite over me now & glard rite down at me & his eyes & voys wer filld with hate.
    Wilfred O bliddy Wilfred shud hav killd the monster in the woom. Wilfred O bliddy Wilfred shud have drownd the thing at birth! Wilfred O bliddy Wilfred shud hav chukd it owt into the flayms & desolayshon of the 5th of bliddy May!
    He grabbd me by the throte.
    Shudnt he? he yelld at me. Anser me you cretin! Tel me I shud have ended it befor it had bluddy begun. Tel me yes you shud hav Daddy!
    Y-yes y-you sh-shud . . .
    And then he carld owt lyk an animal & he started cryin weepin howlin & he fel down to the flore & lay ther shakin for a long tym.
    Mam cum to me & held me tite. We wotchd him til he cum owt of his anga & distress. He crarld to us across the flore.
    Im so sory, he wisperd. I dont mene it son. I dont mene eny of it. I luv you.
    He put his arms rownd me.
    Mam said we understood we new he wos under pressha we new non of this was eesy for him. She got a tishu & tryd to wyp his teres away.
    He shuvd her away.
    Thats the trubbl, he said. I love you my son. I bluddy love you & thats why the harm is dun.
    Then he huggd me & we sat together on the sofa in the sylens. He let Mam come close to him agen.
    We sat for a long time. Then he said that words wer mebbe not evrythin. Mebbe the sylens had messijes for us messajes deepa than cud be telt by words. He said that mebbe words got in the way of knowin the most important things of arl.
    Wot important things? I wisperd.
    Things I hav no words for, Billy. Mebbe things that you wil no better than I do Billy. Things that only speshul boys lyk you can get to. Mebbe thats the truth of it. Yes. Mebbe thats what its been for.
    He went to the tabl. He closd his eyes for a long tym. Then he rote for meny minuts on the paper agen. Then came bak to me and held the words befor me.
    Wot do you see? he sed.
    I lookd close. I thort I cud see my name & his name & her name but I wasnt sertan.
    Words, I sed.
    Thats rite. But look very close, Billy. Wot do you see beyond the words between the words.
    I dont know, Dad.
    Mam tryd to see but he turnd the payj from her.
    It is for the boy, he said, and not for you. Tel me, Billy. Wisper it soft to me.
    Nothin, Dad.
    Nothin? Ther must be sumthin, Billy. Gayz upon the words. Gayz throu them. I wont to no. Tel me wot is ther.
    Payper, I told him.
    Just payper?
    I lifted the payper.
    Then the table, I said. Then the flore. I dont no, Dad.
    He lookd down at the flore lyk ther cud be a messij in it. I lookd down with him. I wunderd wot wos beyond the flore & beyond wot was beyond the flore. He sat besyd me very stil.
    Never mynd, he wisperd. Never mynd. Dont wurry abowt givin words to it.
    He rippd the paje into meny fragments & droppd it in a bin.
    He giv me sum mor paypa.
    Just do some niys pitchers instead, he said.
    Wot pitchers, Dad?
    Enythin. A pitcha of me & Mam sittin on the sofa.
    So I did that & wot a bluddy mess it wos agen.
    O Billy! sed Mam. She clappd her hands. Its lyk the tracks the miys make in the dust beside the warls.
    And we arl laffd cos we wer happy togetha wons mor.

Iv stil got the paje he rote that day.
    I took it out of the bin.
    Mam lookd for it as well but I said the mise must hav eaten it. She must hav nown it wasnt so but she just said good & that was for the best.
    I spent meny meny days puting it bak together in secresy & silens. I workd very cairfuly & very hard. I stuk it all together with selotayp. I lookd into it meny times tryin to desifer it but I never understood what was ritten ther. I hid it