The Time Machine Did It Read Online Free PDF Page B

Wells. I wrote down the name.
    By the time I got back to my
office, I was dog tired. I’d put in a long day and found nothing. I asked my
secretary if she’d seen either a figurine or a time machine lately. You never
know. It doesn’t hurt to ask. Maybe she was sitting on them or something.
    “Just get away from me,” she said.
“You make me sick.”
    Normally, I wouldn’t let an
employee talk to me like that. But she’s quit so many times neither one of us
remembers whether she’s working for me right now or not. Since I wasn’t sure of
her current status, I changed the subject by asking her why I couldn’t get into
the office this morning. Where was she at 11 am?
    She bristled. “Look, do you want
me to show up on time, or do you want me to do my job right?”
    “Either one, I guess. I’ll take
what I can get at this point.”
    “Stop shouting at me. My ear
hurts. I’m going home.”
    I guess I should treat my
employees better. If she is an employee.

CHAPTER SIX
    That evening an
elite group of the city’s most influential criminals met to decide what to do
about me. I’d been asking too many questions, they felt, and not giving them
enough time to think of witty answers before moving on to the next question.
    After various solutions to the
so-called “Burly Problem” had been advanced, they finally decided to just try
warning me off the case first. It would be the simplest, cheapest way. The
organization’s ammo bill last year was through the roof. Things had gotten so
bad that they had to let some pickpockets and rapists go just before Christmas.
So, since threats are cheaper than bullets, they decided to go that way.
    Not long after this decision was
made, my doorbell rang. I went to the door and opened it. Two men were standing
there. One was pointing a gun at me.
    “Oh no!” I said.
    The guy with the gun sneered at
me. “Aren’t you glad to see us?”
    “Of course not.”
    The criminals came into my
apartment. One was very tall, the other was very small. Actually, they were
both about average height. I was using artistic license there. I’m told this is
the thing to do, as it makes the story more interesting. If one guy is the size
of a refrigerator and the other one is the size of a thumbtack, this conjures
up a vivid picture in the mind. It’s like you can see the one guy being smaller
than the other, and this interests you. Readers get bored if everybody’s the
same size. Anyway, these two guys came into the room in their various sizes and
looked around. I hadn’t expected visitors, so the room wasn’t looking its best.
    The smaller crook said: “Geez,
what kind of guy would live like this? It’s like a pig lives here.”
    I frowned. “I’m already mad about
you breaking in and pointing a gun at me. Don’t make it worse.”
    The smaller crook covered his
mouth with his handkerchief. “I gotta get out of here, Boss. The dust and the
mold is getting to me.”
    “Have you taken your medicine?
    “Yes, but it’s not helping.”
    The guy with the gun turned to me.
“I’ll have to make this short. We just stopped in to give you some friendly
advice, Burly. There are some things going on around town right now that don’t
concern you, things involving time machines and other advanced scientific
concepts understood by few. Our friendly advice to you is that you keep your
nose out of these things, or you and your nose are dead men.”
    When guys get tough with me like
that, I usually try to make some kind of tough sounding wisecrack, but tough
sounding wisecracks aren’t as easy to think up as you would think. I mean, if I
was good at wisecracks, I’d be working for Milton Berle, not you.
    They waited for a few minutes for
me to come up with a wisecrack, while I just stood there thinking and staring
and sweating, then they left. I would have thought of one.
    I had another group of unexpected
visitors the following morning. They were in my office waiting for me when I
arrived.