The Time Machine Did It Read Online Free PDF Page A

all.
    He snorted. “Tell me something I
don’t know.”
    “All right. I’m not sure if it has
anything to do with the loss of your figurine, but the criminals in this town
seem to have a time machine.”
    “What!”
    I recounted to him some of the
strange things I’d seen lately and what I’d found at Professor Groggins’ house.
    “So that’s how it was done! Of
course!” He gave me a look. “I see you’re finally beginning to believe my
story.”
    “Maybe some of it”, I said. “I don’t
know. I still don’t want your autograph yet.”
    “But you’re back on the case?
Good. Now I want you to find that time machine, get hold of it somehow, then
report back to me for further instructions. Here’s another blank check.”
    He absently reached into his
pocket, pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to me. I looked at it. It was
a fast food wrapper. It was probably as valuable as anything else he’d given
me, so I stuck it in my wallet. As I walked away I looked back and saw that
Mandible seemed to be doing his best to rebuild his fortune, using what he had
at hand.
    “Turds for sale!” he shouted.
“I’ve got turds!”

CHAPTER FIVE
    Since I didn’t know
what the time machine looked like, or where it might be, the first thing I did
was check out a few places I wanted to go anyway; the ball game, the movie
theater, I went ice skating. Then, acting on a hunch, I bought a new suit. It
all goes on the old expense account. I mean, all the time I’m doing these other
things, I’m thinking about your important case. However, I made a mental note
not to overdo this sort of thing or next year I might be reclassified as a
crook. I’m always making mental notes like that. You’ve got to keep improving
yourself or you’ll go nuts.
    I went down to Broadway & 4th
to talk to the underworld characters who normally hang around there socializing
with each other between crimes, practicing the various skills necessary to
being a successful criminal; picking each other’s pockets, playing dumb at each
other, and so on, and betting with each other who can talk the most like a
Damon Runyon character.
    I leaned up against a wall next to
one of them and chewed a toothpick as he was doing until I felt we had formed a
loose bond. Then I said: “How’s the life of crime going?”
    “Not too good,” he said. “I been
under the weather. I missed a bank robbery last week. Had to call in sick. The
bank president didn’t know what I was talking about. I think it’s the climate
that gets me. How are you?”
    “Okay.” I chewed my toothpick for
a thoughtful moment. “I’ve got a ten-spot here needs a home.”
    “You interest me strangely. What
are you asking for in exchange?”
    “Information about a time
machine.”
    His face suddenly got wooden. He
looked away from me and spoke in a stilted manner. “I - do - not - know - what
- you - mean - sir.”
    I tried again, saying the same
thing using different words, spoken at different volume levels, but he didn’t
bite. Finally I turned to another crook.
    “Let’s play word games! How about
‘Word Association’? I’ll go first: TIME MACHINE!!! THEFT OF!!!”
    He didn’t want to play. In fact,
none of the crooks were interested in talking about time machines. The more I
talked about time machines, the more they left. The last one to go was carrying
a briefcase that said “Prof. E. Groggins” on the side.
    “Professor Groggins? I asked.
    “Yes?”
    “There seems to be a lot of people
in this town with that name.”
    “Yes. We had quite a laugh about
that, me and them.”
    He followed the others, and I was
alone with as many unanswered questions as I had had before.
    I decided to talk to Handicap
Harry, who had been known to have information for sale from time to time.
That’s not his real name, of course. Good parents don’t give their kids
gangster names anymore. Handicap Harry is more of a nickname the other guys in
his social set gave him. And not