The Stainless Steel Rat Goes to Hell Read Online Free PDF Page A

might get a little look-in on Heaven.”
    â€œHeaven?” I asked, trying to remember some rudimentary theology.
    â€œHeaven, of course, you must have heard of it? Or perhaps in your religion …”
    â€œDad’s an atheist,” James said. “We all are.”
    Vivilia sniffed meaningfully. “Well, I suppose most people are in this age of realism and social equality. But there is a down side to that, to worshiping the nitty-gritty of society. It is boring to be so practical. Therefore you can understand why some of us with more sensitivity search for a higher meaning.”
    It was I who sniffed meaningfully this time but she graciously ignored me. “If you had studied more diligently in school and not ignored your Applied Theology class you would know all this already. Heaven is the place where we go after we die and if we have been good, there you will reside in happiness forever. Hell is where you go if you have been bad, to suffer intensely for eternity. I know it sounds very simplistic and illogical. I, as well as lot of the other girls, felt that way when we first heard of Heaven and Hell. But as I said, to add weight and gravitas to Heaven it is possible to visit the place, at least temporarily. So you see, having been there I have lost, shall we say, a certain amount of credulity.”
    â€œHypnotic suggestion,” I suggested.
    â€œJimmy, you sounded just like Angelina when you said that. She flared her nostrils and snorted lightly in exactly the same way. I told her that I had felt exactly the same way when other of my friends had told me about their Heavenly excursions. But I know hypnotism when I see it—and this was no trance. I can’t begin to describe the process of going to Heaven. But I was there, with Master Fanyimadu holding one of my hands and that incredibly stupid Rosebudd holding the other. I don’t think she has enough mind to hypnotize. Yet we saw each other in Heaven, experienced the same things. It was simply wonderful and too beautiful to explain in mere words. It was very … inspirational.”
She had the grace to blush when she spoke the word; inspiration not being her usual line of work.
    â€œHad Angelina been to Heaven?” I asked. “She never mentioned anything about it to me.”
    â€œI know nothing about that. I would never think of snooping into another person’s personal secrets.”
    She ignored my lifted eyebrow at this preposterous statement. Nor would she go into any more detail. Saying that if we had the faith we would see Heaven for ourselves. She was very determined and sure of that; a rock of belief. It was only after she had changed the subject and taken James by the arm to show him the house I knew that I at least had worn out my welcome. She was reluctant to let him leave, but a provident call from Bolivar from the spaceport supplied an inescapable reason to escape.
    As we drove towards the spaceport I found myself scowling as I grew more and more angry.
    â€œRrrrr …” I finally said.
    â€œThat was a pretty fair growl, Dad. You wouldn’t care to expand upon it?”
    â€œI would—and I shall! I’m angry, James—and growing angrier by the minute. There are a lot mysteries here—but one thing is not mysterious at all. This con man and his fake church are raising the wrath in me.”
    â€œI thought you had a soft spot for cons and scams?”
    â€œI do—but only when it comes to bilking the filthy rich. I don’t con widows or orphans or those who can’t afford it. And I work for money. Good old green, the folding and golden stuff …”
    â€œI get you now,” James said, his angry scowl matching mine. “You’re for a good clean con, taking money from the rich and giving it to the slightly less rich. Namely you. But no one gets hurt in the process.”
    â€œExactly! There is money involved in this con, sure, but there is also