The Sexiest Man Alive Read Online Free PDF Page A

little hot pepper.
    Finally it was time for the sales pitch. The guests drifted into Sadie’s living room. Juju and Mazie claimed folding chairs next to a display of the Hurts So Good floggers. Sadie should have started sooner, Mazie thought, because the punch bowl had been drained and the overall mood had advanced from smiley to sloshed. Faces were red, voices were loud, and laughter was high-pitched. The loudest, most obnoxious of the laughers was a brassy-haired woman named Lottie, who was telling racist jokes and puffing on an electronic cigarette.
    “Thanks, everyone, for coming tonight,” Sadie said, raising her voice. “I hope you all helped yourself to snacks. Don’t forget the bean dip on the table next to the Tommy Timbercrank phallic candles.” Sadie was a short woman in her fifties with overpermed red hair and a shape like crookneck squash—skinny on top and broad on the bottom. She was wearing a gold tunic top over denim leggings and so many skinny bracelets, her arm looked like a Slinky. “Raise your hand if you’re ready for the goodies, girls!”
    Hands all over the room shot up. Mazie kept hers down. She wished she hadn’t come.
    Sadie picked up a large picnic hamper, decorated with an oversize red bow. “Let’s start with our most popular product, the Jack Rabbit.” She held up a gadget that looked vaguely like bunny ears, if rabbits were made of blue plastic and one ear was lopped to a stub. “It’s waterproof, it has three vibrating speeds, and it’s touch activated.”
    “I wish my boyfriend was touch activated,” muttered Juju. “And he’s only got one speed—Gone in Sixty Seconds.”
    Mazie’s cell rang. Checking the caller ID, she saw it was Ben.
    “Is it over yet?” he asked.
    “No, but I think
I’m
done.”
    “Did you buy some … uhh … stuff?”
    “You’ll have to find out.” She gave him the address.
    “There in ten.” He disconnected.
    “This is brand-new, ladies,” Sadie warbled. “The amazing Remote Vibrating Panty!” She held up a pair of black lace stretch panties. “Aren’t they pretty? But what makes them worth the $79.95 price tag is the secret pocket with the little vibrating bullet. Works up to eight hours for hands-free orgasms! And the control mechanism operates up to twenty feet away, so your hubby can send you a surprise thrill even when he’s out of the room.”
    “He always gives me a thrill when he goes out of the room,” snarked Lottie’s chum Krystal, who was wearing a T-shirt with RUB FOR LUCK inscribed across the chest.
    “And now what you’ve all been waiting for—our bondage and discipline collection,” Sadie said triumphantly, pulling out a pair of hot-pink handcuffs. “These are our Love Links. Very strong and sturdy. No matter how much someone begs and pleads, the cuffs won’t break. They can only be opened with the key. We also offer the Kinky Kuff restraints—leather wristbands lined in fake fur.”
    “Are they big enough for guys?” someone asked. “Because I’d like to slap the Kuffs on my husband to keep him from getting hold of the remote control.”
    The doorbell rang. Lottie heaved herself to her feet and went to answer it, and a minute later Ben Labeck walked into the room. Thirty necks craned, thirty heads swiveled, thirty mouths dropped, thirty pairs of eyes crawled over him. His eyes lit up when he spotted Mazie. He smiled.
    He shouldn’t have smiled.
    “Oh my God,” someone cried. “It’s
him
!
    “The Sexiest Man Alive!” another woman gasped.
    Snatching up her purse, Mazie attempted to jostle her way through the mob toward Ben, who was trapped, surrounded on all sides by shrieking, giggling women acting like groupies at a rock concert.
    “Autograph my bra!”
    “Take
off
my bra, Sexy Man!”
    “Get his shirt off—I want to see his chest.”
    “I want to see his biceps.”
    “I want to see his
everything
!”
    If these women had been guys on ice, there would have been bleeding bodies