The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution: Gentle Ways to Make Good-bye Easy from Six Months to Six Years Read Online Free PDF Page A

having
    an intense aversion to anyone beyond the most familiar circle of fam-
    ily. All of these reactions are normal; so are most variations of these
    extremes.
    How Long Does Stranger Anxiety Last?
    Many professionals state that stranger anxiety peaks at between
    twelve and eighteen months and then tapers off. But my research
    tells me that it seldom disappears so early or so easily. Frequently, children go through spurts of separation and stranger anxiety up
    until age seven or eight. This anxiety looks different at different ages,
    and the leap from stranger anxiety to outgoing social butterfl y isn’t
    an overnight event; it is a process.
    Your child may seem rather unpredictable and moody—sometimes
    accepting a new person as a potential friend, other times hiding his
    face in your shoulder if someone tries to engage him in conversa-
    tion, and sometimes melting down in tears if someone tries to hold
    or touch him. Over time, he will begin to learn that talking to new
    people is a safe endeavor and usually a fun thing to do, and he’ll wel-

    All About Separation Anxiety in Early Childhood 7
    Stella, two years old
    come meeting someone new. Keep in mind that this transition takes
    longer for some children than others, and your patience is important
    as he works though this stage in his life.
    What Can I Do to Help My Baby Through This Stage of
    Development?
    Although stranger anxiety is normal and healthy, and although it
    may linger for quite some time, it’s still a good idea to help your child
    move through this phase. Life is more fun if she can learn to be com-
    fortable with new people. It can help you to shift your child’s way of
    thinking from separation as a process of moving away from you to
    separation as a step toward connection with other human beings.
    The ideas in this book address all aspects of separation anxiety,
    which includes the subset of stranger anxiety, because it’s sometimes
    hard to differentiate between the two. Therefore, most of the ideas
    presented here will help your child adapt in situations of both separa-
    tion anxiety and stranger anxiety.
    8
    The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution
    How Do I Know if My Child Has
    Separation Anxiety?
    Separation anxiety has many different symptoms, but it is often easy
    for parents to spot in their own child. The following behaviors are
    most typically used to defi ne normal separation anxiety:
    • Clinginess
    • Crying when a parent is out of sight
    • A strong preference for one parent over all other human
    beings
    • Fear of strangers or of family or friends who are not frequently
    seen
    • Resistance to separation at bedtime or naptime
    • Waking at night crying for a parent
    • Regression to an earlier stage of development (such as thumb
    sucking, toileting accidents, baby talk)
    • Anxiety that dissipates quickly when a parent appears
    Father-Speak
    “I was really worried about our son. He clings to his mother
    constantly. If she leaves the room, he wails and screams as
    if she’s left the country. When I mentioned this to the other
    dads at my daughter’s baseball game, I heard that their kids all
    did the same thing at one time or another. Since I learned that
    it’s normal, I’m no longer alarmed at his behavior.”
    —Adam, father of one-year-old Seth and six-year-old Claire
    Children are unique in their personalities, yet they are often simi-
    lar in many ways when it comes to displaying characteristics of anxi-
    ety. I surveyed my group of 246 test parents to learn more about the
    symptoms their children experienced. The following chart summa-
    rizes what they said.
    Separation Anxiety Signs, Symptoms, and Behaviors*
    Usually
    Sometimes Never
    Total
    Symptoms/Signs
    Age
    exhibits
    exhibits
    exhibits**
    exhibiting signs
    Cries when parent leaves the room
    6–11 months
    25%
    38%
    12%
    63%
    12 months–2 years
    5%
    21%
    26%
    2–3 years
    3%
    11%
    14%
    All About Separation Anxiety in Early Childhood
    3–5