The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution: Gentle Ways to Make Good-bye Easy from Six Months to Six Years Read Online Free PDF Page B

crying,
    clinging children can be a frustration, silent, suffering children can
    present a real challenge, since their anxiety can simmer quietly or in
    ways that are harder to identify.
    Almost all children feel some anxiety when facing a new situa-
    tion, just as all adults feel some anxiety when starting the fi rst day at
    a new job or moving into a new neighborhood. Therefore, it can be
    helpful to read over the ideas presented in this book and apply some
    of the solutions even with a child who doesn’t present any obvious
    Daddy Kariem and Kairo, sixteen months old
    All About Separation Anxiety in Early Childhood 13
    need. For example, having a specifi c good-bye routine is helpful to all
    children, regardless of their anxiety status.
    If you have more than one child, it is highly possible that they are
    all different: you may have one child who has no anxiety, one who has
    silent symptoms, and yet another who exhibits many outward signs of
    anxiety. This is a character personality trait that is inborn and then
    shaped by various outside infl uences, only some of which originate
    with parents. So in a family with many children, you often see vary-
    ing degrees and types of anxiety among them. That’s why it is critical
    for parents and caregivers to examine each individual child’s needs,
    so they can give whatever help that particular child needs to combat
    feelings of separation anxiety.
    Keep Your Child Emotionally Safe
    Parents can become entrenched in their own interpretation of their
    child’s behavior. They witness outrageous behavior—like screaming
    or tantrums over seemingly ridiculous events, such as a visit from a
    loving grandparent—and don’t really understand what’s happening.
    It can help to consider the situation from a child’s point of view:
    • Children don’t choose to have separation anxiety.
    • Children don’t enjoy having separation anxiety.
    • Children wish they didn’t have separation anxiety.
    • Children don’t know how to get rid of their separation
    anxiety.
    Separation anxiety is a feeling that comes on children unbid-
    den and won’t leave easily. Since the feelings are there, it’s a helpful
    beginning for your child to know that you understand. It can be reas-
    suring to your child to know that what he feels is normal and that
    you love him and believe in him even when he struggles, even when
    he cries, and even when his behavior makes your life diffi cult.
    There are times, of course, when your frustration will show itself in
    your words and actions; you are human too, after all. Forgive yourself
    those mistakes and work on sending an overall message of love, sup-
    port, and acceptance of his feelings. That doesn’t mean you should
    14 The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution
    allow your child to control your life with his anxious behavior, nor
    does it mean you shouldn’t try to help him let go when he needs to.
    It means that when you do, you are sensitive and kind in the way you
    approach his feelings.
    If Separation Anxiety Is a Sign of Love and
    Security, Should I Force Separation?
    Separations represent developmental opportunities, but they are only
    one piece of the massive jigsaw puzzle that is early childhood. Any
    one separation situation does not make or break your child for life.
    Any one time that you choose to proceed or to bypass a situation of
    separation does not create a lifetime affect. It is the accumulation of
    many such situations that takes your child on a journey from being a
    totally dependent and attached newborn all the way to his wedding
    day.
    Timing is important when you forge ahead with separation. There
    are moments when pushing for separation serves no productive pur-
    pose and simply creates a fl ood of upset in the family. Other times
    are ripe for new separation situations, and while they may start out
    shaky, they blossom into wonderful learning experiences.
    By gently encouraging your child’s separation confi dence at