The Man Who Had All the Luck Read Online Free PDF Page A

his car’s on the bum and he’s lookin’ for a mechanic. He’s a sucker for a mechanic!
    SHORY: That hayseed couldn’t let go of a nickel if it was stuck up his . . .
    Roar of engines starting close by outside. Enter DAVID from the upstage door, putting a small wrench in his pocket. As he comes in two cars are heard pulling away. He goes to a can of gasoline and rinses his hands.
    DAVID: Geez, you’d think people could tighten a fan belt. What time you got, John?
    SHORY: Why, where you going? You can’t go into Falk’s house . . .
    From the store enter AUNT BELLE. She is carrying a wrapped shirt and a bag. She is a woman who was never young; skinny, bird-like, constantly sniveling. A kerchief grows out of her hand.
    BELLE: I thought you were in the store. Hester said to hurry.
    DAVID [ going to her ]: Oh, thanks, Belle. [ Unwrapping a shirt. ] It’s the new one, isn’t it?
    BELLE [ horrified ]: Did you want the new one?
    DAVID [ looking at the shirt ]: Oh, Belle. When are you going to remember something! Hester told you to bring my new shirt!
    BELLE [ lifting them out of bag ]: Well I—I brought your galoshes.
    DAVID: I don’t wear galoshes anymore, I wanted my new shirt! Belle, sometimes you . . .
    BELLE bursts into tears. All right, all right, forget it.
    BELLE: I only do my best, I’m not your mother . . .
    DAVID [ leading her right ]: I’m sorry, Aunt Belle, go—and thanks.
    BELLE [ still sniffling ]: Your father’s got your brother Amos out running on the road . . .
    DAVID: Yeah, well . . . thanks . . .
    BELLE [ a kerchief at her nose ]: He makes Amos put on his galoshes, why doesn’t he give a thought to you?
    DAVID [ pats her hand ]: I’ll be home later.
    SHORY: You know why you never remember anything, Belle? You blow your nose too much. The nose is connected with the brain and you’re blowin’ your brains out.
    DAVID: Ah, cut it out, will ya?
    With another sob, BELLE rushes out.
    She still treats me like after Mom died. Just like I was seven years old. [DAVID picks up the clean shirt. ]
    SHORY [ alarmed ]: Listen, that man’ll kill you. [ Grabs the shirt and sits on it. ]
    DAVID [ with an embarrassed but determined laugh, trying to grab the shirt back ]: Give me that. I decided to go see him, and I’m going to see him!
    Enter PAT and AMOS from right. PAT is a small, nervous man about forty-five, AMOS is twenty-four, given to a drawl and a tendency to lumber when he walks.
    PAT [ on entering ]: What’s the matter with you?
    DAVID looks up. ALL turn to him as both come center. AMOS is squeezing a rubber ball.
    [ Pointing between DAVID and stove ]: Don’t you know better than to stand so close to that stove? Heat is ruination to the arteries.
    AMOS [ eagerly ]: You goin’, Dave?
    SHORY [ to PAT]: Everything was getting clear. Will you go home?
    PAT: I’m his father, if you please.
    SHORY: Then tell him what to do, father.
    PAT: I’ll tell him. [ Turns to DAVID as though to command. ] What exactly did you decide?
    DAVID: We’re going to tell Mr. Andrew Falk we’re getting married.
    PAT: Uh, huh. Good work.
    SHORY: Good work! [ Pointing at PAT, he turns to J.B.] Will you listen to this . . . !
    J.B. [ he shares SHORY ’s attitude toward PAT , but with more compassion ]: But somebody ought to go along with him.
    PAT [ adamantly to DAVID]: Definitely, somebody ought to go along . . .
    AMOS [ to DAVID]: Let me go. If he starts anything, I’ll . . .
    DAVID [ to ALL]: Now look, for Christ’s sake, will you . . .
    PAT [ to DAVID]: I forbid you to curse. Close your collar, Amos. [ Of AMOS to J.B.] Just ran two miles. [ He buttons another button on AMOS , indicating Amos’s ball. ] How do you like the new method?
    AMOS [ holds up ball ]: Squeezin’ a rubber ball.
    J.B.: What’s that, for his fingers, heh? DAVID examines his arm.
    PAT: Fingers! That’s the old forearm. A pitcher can have