The Long Cosmos Read Online Free PDF Page A

your conscience?’
    â€˜Ha ha.’
    She left off folding socks and touched his hand – the flesh-and-blood right hand, as opposed to the prosthetic left. Her skin was nearly as liver-spotted as his, he saw. ‘You always have a place with us, you know. At the Home. I pop in myself from time to time, just to make sure young Sister John isn’t going too far off the rails.’
    Young Sister John was close to Joshua’s own age, and had been running the Home for decades. ‘I’m sure she appreciates that,’ he said dryly.
    â€˜And she’s told me all about that young boy they’re having so much trouble with, Jan – what’s his name?’
    â€˜Jan Roderick, I think. I met him.’
    â€˜Yes. How he’s hoovering up all those old books and movies you gave the Home, like a Chicago gangster snorting crack cocaine.’
    â€˜Agnes!’
    â€˜Oh, hush. Now there’s another complicated little boy, just as you were. And I’m sure it would be good for him to see more of you. One thing the Home doesn’t excel at, for obvious reasons, is providing good male role models.’
    â€˜Well, I’m not sure I’ve ever been one of those . . . Look, Agnes, I’ve been drifting these last three years, since Helen died. I need to make some kind of break. I won’t be away that long. The Home will still be there when I return—’
    â€˜I might not be.’
    She said this so bluntly that he was shocked. ‘Agnes, your body’s artificial, your mind has been downloaded into Black Corporation gel – you could live until the sun goes out—’
    â€˜Who would want to hang around to see that?’ She touched the papery skin of her cheek. ‘There has to be a finish, Joshua. I learned that lesson from Shi-mi, who decided that in the end all she wanted to be was a cat. I wanted to be a mother to Ben, and – well, that was all I wanted, and then I would be ready to lay down my burden. My adopted son is nineteen already.’
    â€˜Really?’
    â€˜Believe it. Time just pours away, doesn’t it? And I’m not sure how much longer I can fake all this ageing convincingly. Also there’s a question of good manners. I’ve been through old age myself, but who am I to live in some kind of mannequin, mimicking all that pain and suffering, for the sake of my own vanity? When I know I could switch it off at any time. When I could even be young again, if I chose. No, I think my time should come sooner rather than later. It’s right that way.’
    â€˜Hmm. And Ben?’
    â€˜He knows. He’s understood what we are since he was nine years old, myself and “George”. He accepts it.’
    â€˜Does he have a choice?’
    â€˜What choice do any of us have, Joshua?’
    Suddenly this was too much for him. He pulled away, stood, and started gathering up more stuff to pack.
    â€˜It’s hard on you,’ she said now. ‘I know.’
    He grunted. ‘Hard on Lobsang too.’
    She sighed. ‘Well, I think I discharged my obligation to that man long ago, Joshua. Depending which Lobsang you mean. The one I married, “George”, was lost when the Next closed off New Springfield’s world. The older copy that you brought back from that remote Long Earth became the master edition, so to speak. I know that identity with Lobsang is an odd concept. There’s never just one of him; his identity can be split up, joined, one copy poured into the other . . .’
    Lobsang had come to awareness as an artificial intelligence running on a substrate of Black Corporation gel. From the beginning he had claimed to be human, in a sense – a reincarnation of a Tibetan motorcycle repairman. To date, nobody had been able to prove him a liar. And since his awakening, his existence had been complicated.
    Agnes went on, ‘The various copies were synched before “George”