The Life I Now Live Read Online Free PDF Page A

interrupted my thoughts. “When your head hits the pillow at night, who do you think about?”
    “Hate to sound so unromantic, but I think moreso about the mess I am in than I do a single person.”
    “Well, think about it.” She stood. “And when you know, you know.”
    I walked to Patrick, felt his arm brush against mine as I reached for Riley. He smiled. I tried to.
    I spent the rest of the night listening and watching the couples around me. As hard as it was for me to admit, I think I missed Andy more than I wanted Patrick. Yes, Patrick was more attractive. Yes, he was sweeter and more sensitive. Yes, he loved me more than Andy ever seemed to.
    Yes, yes, yes.
    But Andy had one thing that Patrick didn’t have. 
    The leftover fragments of what used to be my heart.

Ch. 6 | Patrick
     
    After talking with Ella, Heidi told me she wanted to take a break from seeing each other for a while. I didn’t understand, but told her I’d do whatever she needed. As soon as I got home I called Ella to find out what she said to Heidi. 
    “Nothing bad,” she said. Cars passed in the background. “She might be taking a break to see how much she misses you when you’re gone. Just plan something romantic and surprise her with it when she is ready to see you again.”
    “First of all,” I said. “I have no idea how to plan something romantic. Second of all, what if she misses Andy more? I don’t want to hurt her. I need to step back and just be her friend. I think that’s what she needs the most.”
    “You’d be a better judge of that than me.”
    “Pretty amazed that you’re even supportive of this. Thought you wanted her to stay faithful to Andy forever?”
    “I did. Things change,” she said. “Gavin and I wouldn’t remarry, but every love story is different.”
    I hung up with her, took a shower, and got ready for bed. A picture of Emily caught my eye. The little card from her funeral. I held it in my hands, touched her face. I remember the one time she allowed me to kiss her on the lips. Our wedding day. People always asked me why I married someone who wouldn’t let me kiss her. The answer is simple. She needed somewhere to live and medical insurance for her medication. I was her house and medical insurance. She was my life. I thought for sure if I helped her she’d love me back. And she did, don’t get me wrong. She did in her own way. Just not the way most wives love their husbands.
    I imagined Heidi’s face. Sweet smile, pink cheeks, captivating golden eyes. I loved the way her nose crinkled when she laughed. And the right dimple that appeared when she smiled. Man, she was the picture of beauty.
    I picked up my phone to text her. I typed I love you, but deleted it and turned the phone off.
    I told her I’d fight for her and be there for her until my last breath, but how could I? She loved Andy. She didn’t love me.
    I admired that. I really did. Never knew someone more faithful.
    Maybe I needed to let go. Move on. Find a girl who wanted me as much as I wanted her.
    Story of my freaking life.
     

     
    As a chiropractic doctor a lot of women came into my office. Beautiful women with cute personalities. Never noticed as much until Heidi stopped talking to me. Of course I always ignored the subtle flirtations. I’m a doctor and don’t want to get sued for sexual harassment. So I’m careful when I work and very serious.
    But I’m not going to lie, when I walked out to the waiting room and called for Myra my heart stopped. Then I realized I met her before. She was the Filipino girl at Gavin’s old house in Philly. A friend of a friend. Referred to me by Lydia.
    Gorgeous. I hadn’t noticed before. My eyes were only on Heidi. Now they were opened. I didn’t flirt with her, but she caught my attention for sure. As I helped her out I didn’t say a word beyond the normal professional words I always say. When I finished she stood and put her hands on her hips. 
    “I think I feel a little better,” she