The Language of Dying

The Language of Dying Read Online Free PDF Page A

Book: The Language of Dying Read Online Free PDF
Author: Sarah Pinborough
Tags: Fiction, Literary, General
with me. I don’t remember. I don’t care. The world outside the house no longer exists. Not for a little while anyway.
    We drink tea and are just finishing the rest of the chocolate biscuits when the doctor arrives. He is a large, middle-aged man. A fat man who speaks very little and appears preoccupied when he does utter a few words. I offer to show him where you are, but he waves me away and takes his black bag upstairs, leaving us clinging to our cups of tea. We go back to the warm comfort of the kitchen, matching his heavy footfalls as he heads towards your room. We eat more biscuits until he comes back downstairs. The chocolate makes me feel sick as it hits the eggs and bacon and toast already in my stomach, but eating is better than talking. We think we know the answers anyway. I can see them in Penny’s scared, kohllined eyes. We think we know exactly what the doctor is going to say. We think your time is nearly up. In our hearts we know that you will be dead by tomorrow. After all, you look so ill and haven’t drunk anything for twenty-four hours. Open and shut case.
    We are very surprised then when the doctor’s closed face remains calm and detached. Penny is rambling on about the folder the nurses left last night, and where should we keep it, and how often should they write in it and then I cut her off. ‘He’s dying, isn’t he? How soon will it be? Should we get the rest of the family?’
    The doctor shakes his head vaguely, unaware of the panic in my voice. Or maybe he is just immune to it with this job of his. He shrugs.
    ‘He is very sick. I think he has a week. Not muchmore than that at any rate. Maybe a day or so less.’
    I stare at him as if I’ve been slapped in the face. Beside me, Penny too is silent.
    ‘But he can’t eat and he hasn’t drunk anything for at least a day,’ she says.
    The doctor shrugs. ‘Yes, he’s very dehydrated. Try and sponge his mouth. Maybe with juice as well as water. Pineapple juice is a natural cleanser and might give him some energy. The acids and enzymes in it work well in the mouth.’ Penny nods and quickly scribbles down
pineapple juice
on a piece of paper dragged from her handbag. She has always liked lists. They help her feel in control.
    ‘A week? Are you sure?’
    The doctor looks back at me and nods. ‘The body fights, you know?’
    After a moment I nod back as if I understand and perhaps I think I do. In fact, I know nothing. I am so naïve. Penny has started talking again and she talks the quiet fat man all the way to the door. Standing in the kitchen, I wonder at death. You look so sick. You’ve given up. You haven’t drunk anything. I think this should surely be enough to make death take over. I am wrong of course. You have so much more dying to do yet. You have to become so much less before you go. The doctor is, in fact, spot on. One week. Maybe a little less. The body fights, you know?
    Now I do.
    When the doctor is gone I go up to check on you, but you don’t seem to know I’m there. Or maybe you’re just ignoring me. I wouldn’t put it past you. I say as much and laugh as I leave the room, as if everything were normal. Or at least not-quite-right normal.
    By the time I get back to the kitchen, to the warm heart of our microcosm world, I am crying. Penny looks at me and then she is crying too. We cry at each other for a while and then we make more tea, light cigarettes and make lists. I am sure Penny’s list has a function, is organised, but I look down and see mine is just a jumble of words on a small sheet of paper. I have written
morphine/pineapple juice
as if creating a new cocktail. And maybe I have. Maybe it’s a Dad special. Then the words are blurred as my eyes and my nose run free.
    We eventually talk about the boys coming. I can feel the tension rising before we’ve even started the calls. Penny’s list of people we need to contact is getting longer, but I think maybe the best way to start is by looking through your little
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