The Kryptonite Kid: A Novel Read Online Free PDF Page A

people (even men) and so I thought I better not merry her until I get Super also. If I do. Someday.
    You see, Superman, I don’t think I’d like a wife who’s stronger than me and so everybody would say she has to protect me. My dad says he’s the king in his own castle because he’s a man and a man is the king in his own castle. He says that a lot. Except we don’t really have a castle because it’s just a apartment building. But my dad is still king of the apartment building along with all the other kings in all the other apartments. And that’s what I want to be. But that’s what I wouldn’t be if Supergirl fought all the crime in the family. Do you understand? The other day I jumped out of Old Lady Holbrook’s apple tree again and I flew even farther than the last time and you can even ask  Robert again if you want to. And so it shouldn’t be very long now. So I hope you’ll tell her, Man of Steel. Thank you.
      
YOUR PAL,
JERRY
        
    PS: We checked the E’s and the F’s and the G’s and Hawaii and it isn’t there. And since everybody in Metropolis speaks English then it must be in America huh? It’s not in England is it? They speak English there also you know.
      

      
    GOSH, SUPERMAN,
    We just read ACTION COMICS NO. 368 and Robert hated it almost as much as I did and I REALLY hated it. It was the AWFULEST adventure you ever had, even awfuller than the time you got changed into a giant ant after you got exposed to some Red Kryptonite when you was trying to save the world from doom. You know, sometimes I think that Red Kryptonite is even worse than Green Kryptonite but none of them’s as bad as Gold Kryptonite which can take away all your Super powers and make you just ordinary but not dead.
    Anyway, in ACTION COMICS NO. 368 I really HATED how there was no more crime in the world and everybody was good and so the policemen had no more work to do except help little kids across the street. And it was TERRIBLE how there was no more disasters in the world and so you didn’t have any lifes to save. And you didn’t have any floods to throw back. And so the world didn’t need Superman nomore.
    It was REALLY bad on page one where all the policemen was playing checkers and the captin said, “Nobody’s so much as jaywalked for a month, Superman! Half my officers and detectives are counting stolen loot that criminels voluntarily turned in!” And so you looked at him and said, “GREAT KRYPTON!” And then you said, “Earth is now a crimeless, warless, trouble-free world! And I fit in like a vegetarian at a steak barbecue!”
    And you know what, Superman? I wanted to CRY because things were so bad! That’s why I’m glad it didn’t last long because then nobody would need you anymore except me and Robert because we’ll ALWAYS need you. And if there wasn’t nomore crimes then there wouldn’t be no more sins and then the priests wouldn’t have a job either and then nobody would believe in you or God or nothing. They’d just believe in themselves.
    So me and Robert wanted to let you know we don’t hate Luthor or Mr. Mxyzptlk! so much anymore even if they are REALLY bad. I hope you understand. What we’re trying to say is you shouldn’t chase too many criminels too quick. And if you do then maybe it’d be a good idea if you let a couple of them excape every once in a while. Because if people didn’t be so BAD then you wouldn’t be so GOOD and so I hope you understand.
    Thank you, Mr. Crime fighter!
      
Your VERY good friends,
JERRY and ROBERT
      
    PS: I hope you don’t think we like criminels or anything like that. We still hate them. Only we don’t really hate them. So long, Man of Steel.
      

    Dear LOIS LANE,
      
    I am the Lord thy God and thou shalt not think that Clark Kent is thy Superman. Amen.
      
Yours truely,
  God the Father Almighty 
Heaven, U.S.A.
      
       
      
    Dear SUPERMAN,
    Well you don’t have to worry about