The Jeeves Omnibus Read Online Free PDF

fifty-fifty, I should call it. There is lots of good in this Glossop, Bertie.’
    I could not accept this. It seemed to me loose thinking.
    ‘Aren’t you going a bit far, old man? Admitted that he is taking your Aunt Myrtle off your hands …’
    ‘And Seabury.’
    ‘And Seabury, true. But, even so, would you really say there was good in the old pest? Remember all the stories I’ve told you about him from time to time. They show him in a very dubious light.’
    ‘Well, he’s doing me a bit of good, anyway. Do you know what it was he wanted to see me about so urgently that day in London?’
    ‘What?’
    ‘He’s found an American he thinks he can sell the Hall to.’
    ‘Not really?’
    ‘Yes. If all goes well, I shall at last get rid of this blasted barracks and have a bit of money in my pocket. And all the credit will be due to Uncle Roderick, as I like to think of him. So you will kindly refrain, Bertie, from nasty cracks at his expense and, in particular, from mentioning him in the same breath with young Seabury. You must learn to love Uncle Roddie for my sake.’
    I shook my head.
    ‘No, Chuffy, I fear I cannot recede from my position.’
    ‘Well, go to hell, then,’ said Chuffy agreeably. ‘Personally, I regard him as a life-saver.’
    ‘But are you sure this thing is going to come off? What would this fellow want with a place the size of the Hall?’
    ‘Oh, that part of it is simple enough. He’s a great pal of old Glossop’s and the idea is that he shall put up the cash and let Glossop run the house as a sort of country club for his nerve patients.’
    ‘Why doesn’t old Glossop simply rent it from you?’
    ‘My dear ass, what sort of state do you suppose the place is in these days? You talk as if you could open it and step straight into it. Most of the rooms haven’t been used for forty years. It wants at least fifteen thousand quid spent on it, to put it in repair. More. Besides new furniture, fittings and so on. If some millionaire like this chap doesn’t take it on, I shall have it on my hands the rest of my life.’
    ‘Oh, he’s a millionaire, is he?’
    ‘Yes, that part of it is all right. All I’m worrying about is getting his signature on the dotted line. Well, he’s coming to lunch today, and it’s going to be a good one too. He’s apt to soften up a good bit after a fat lunch, isn’t he?’
    ‘Unless he’s got dyspepsia. Many American millionaires have. This man of yours may be one of those fellows who can’t get outside more than a glass of milk and a dog biscuit.’
    Chuffy laughed jovially.
    ‘Not much. Not old Stoker.’ He suddenly began to leap about like a lamb in the spring-time. ‘Hullo-ullo-ullo!’
    A car had drawn up at the steps and was discharging passengers.
    Passenger A was J. Washburn Stoker. Passenger B was his daughter, Pauline. Passenger C was his young son, Dwight. And Passenger D was Sir Roderick Glossop.

4
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Annoying Predicament of Pauline Stoker
    I MUST SAY I was pretty well a-twitter. It was about as juicy a biff as I had had for years. To have encountered this segment of the dead past in London would have been bad enough. Running into the gang down here like this, with the prospect of a lengthy luncheon party ahead, was a dashed sight worse. I removed the lid with as much courtly grace as I could muster up, but the face had coloured with embarrassment and I was more or less gasping for air.
    Chuffy was being the genial host.
    ‘Hullo-ullo-ullo! Here you all are. How are you, Mr Stoker? How are you, Sir Roderick? Hullo, Dwight. Er – good morning, Miss Stoker. May I introduce my friend, Bertie Wooster? Mr Stoker, my friend, Bertie Wooster. Dwight, my friend, Bertie Wooster. Miss Stoker, my friend, Bertie Wooster. Sir Roderick Glossop, my friend, Bertie … Oh, but you know each other already, don’t you?’
    I was still under the ether. You will agree that all this was enough to rattle any chap. I surveyed the mob. Old Stoker was glaring at