The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse Read Online Free PDF

all so unfair. But that's life for you, in an eggshell.'
    'It's a nutshell, isn't it?'
    'Well, you'd know, you're the loony.'
    'I'm not well.'
    The bear scrambled nearer to Jack and peered very closely at him. 'You don't look too well,' said he. 'Your face is all blue. Is that something catching, do you think? Not that I'll catch it. Moth is all I catch. That's one reason that I drink so much, to ward off the moth.'
    'It's not fair.’ Jack buried his face in his hands and began to weep.
    'Oh, come on.' Eddie Bear shifted over on his drunken bottom and patted Jack's arm with a paw. 'Things really could be worse. You'll be okay. I can direct you to the hospital, if you think you need your head bandaged. Or I'll stagger with you, if you want. Or you can carry me upside down and I'll sing you drunken songs. I know some really rude ones. They're all about pigs and penguins.'
    'I had a cap somewhere,' said Jack, wiping his eyes and peering about in search of it.
    'Was it blue?' asked the bear.
    Jack nodded.
    'Well, it isn't quite so blue now. I was sick on it. Mostly sawdust, of course, but evil-smelling; I had a curry earlier.'
    'This really isn't happening.'
    'I think you'll find that it is. Do you want to come back to my place? You could sleep there.'
    Jack climbed painfully to his feet. He gazed down at the toy bear. 'You really are real, aren't you?' he said.
    'As real as,' said Eddie.
    'As real as
what?'
said Jack.
    'Wish I knew,' said Eddie. 'But I can't do corroborative nouns. None of us are perfect, are we? I can get started. As big as, as foul as, as obscene as. But I can't get any further. But that's life for you again. As unfair as... Listen, wouldn't you rather go to a bar and have a drink? My bum's beginning to sober up. I seep at the seams. I've got leaks as big as... But we all have our problems, don't we?'
    Jack agreed. 'I'm very confused,' he said. 'But I don't want to go to hospital. I don't like hospitals. And I'm really too young to go into bars.'
    'You're quite big enough; let's have a beer. It won't lessen your confusion, though. In fact, it will probably increase it. But in a nice way and that's as good as, isn't it?'
    'I should try and get my purse back. And my horse.'
    'You had a
horse?'
    'A horse called Anthrax; he was stolen.'
    'Then he's probably cat meat by now. Or being minced up to make burgers for that Nadine's Diner around the corner.'
    'That's terrible,' said Jack. 'Poor Anthrax.'
    'This isn't a very nice neighbourhood, Jack.'
    'So what are
you
doing in it?'
    'I'm on a case,' said Eddie Bear. 'I'm a private detective. Hence the trenchcoat.' Eddie did a bit of a twirl, then flopped back onto his drunken bum.
    Jack shook his head, which pained him considerably. 'I am mad,' he said. 'This is all mad.'
    'Come and have a beer,' said Eddie. 'I'll pay. And kindly carry me, if you will. My legs are still as drunk as, if you know what I mean, and I'm sure that you do.'
    It was still a bright and moonlit night and as Jack, with Eddie underneath his arm and guided by the bear's directions, lurched painfully in his stockinged feet along this street and that and around one corner and the next, he was, all in all, amazed by the all and all that he saw.
    'This is a very strange city,' said Jack.
    'It's not strange to me,' said Eddie. 'How so is it strange to you?'
    'Well,' said Jack, 'from a distance, as I approached the city, it all looked grey and dour. And it
was,
on the outskirts. But the deeper I go, the more colourful it becomes. And it's night now.'
    'You'll no doubt find it positively garish in the daytime.' Eddie wriggled about.
    'Careful,' said Jack, Til drop you.'
    'You're squeezing me in all the wrong places. You'll push me out of shape.'
    'Sorry,' said Jack. 'But tell me this. Are you a magic bear?'
    'A magic bear? What is a magic bear?'
    'I'm thinking perhaps a toy bear brought to animation through witchcraft or something like that. Not that I've ever believed in witchcraft. Although I did once