The Ginormous Book of Dirty Jokes Read Online Free PDF Page B

back of the cab comes the nun’s low-voiced response, “Yeah, well my name’s Dave and I’m on my way to a costume party.”

    On the farm lived a chicken and a horse who loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into some quicksand and began to sink. Scared for is life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help.
    Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer’s new Z-3 series BMW. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend’s life.
    Back in the quicksand, the horse was surprised but happy to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer’s car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
    The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon he too began to sink, crying out to the horse to save his life. The horse thought a moment, then walked over and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his “thing” and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
    The moral of the story?
    When you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks.

    A guy was shipwrecked and ended up on an island. After wandering around for a few hours he was captured by the local tribe of cannibals and taken back to the village. After a good meal and a rest he was taken before the king and told that, as it was the king’s birthday, he would get a chance to live, but only if he passed three tests in three huts.
    The first had a keg of rum inside: He had to drink the keg dry.
    The second had a tiger with a sore tooth: He had to remove it.
    The third had a woman who had never been satisfied: He had to satisfy her.
    With confidence he strode into the first, and about an hour later stumbled out plastered.
    “Get me to the next hut!” he yelled.
    In the second hut all was quiet, and then roars and screams were heard. This was followed by sudden quiet again.
    As he stumbled out of the hut he roared, “OK, goddammit, now where’s that woman with the sore tooth?”

    A man returns from the tropics feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, who immediately rushes the man to the hospital to undergo tests. After the tests are completed, the man wakes up to the ringing of a telephone in his private room at the hospital. On the other end of the line, the doctor explains, “We’ve received the results back from your tests. We’ve found that you have an extremely nasty STD called G.A.S.H., which is a combination of gonorrhea, AIDS, syphilis, and herpes.”
    “Oh my god,” cries the man. “Doc! What am I going to do?”
    “Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”
    “Will that cure me?” asks the man curiously.
    “Well no, but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”

    A Priest went to the doctor in a panic and asked him, “What does it mean, Doc, if when I take a pee it burns like the fire of Satan and I have this god-awful drip?”
    The doctor smiled and said, “It means the altar boy lied—he wasn’t a virgin.”

    A bum finds a five-dollar bill in the street. He decides to go to the liquor store and buy a bottle of white wine. After knocking back the booze the bum falls into a drunken stupor and collapses in a small alleyway.
    About ten minutes later, a passing gay guy happens upon the sprawled body of