The Ginormous Book of Dirty Jokes Read Online Free PDF

and were planning on living with Marie’s mother until they could establish a place of their own. On their wedding night, they went upstairs and were getting ready for bed. Mario started to get undressed, taking off his shirt first. He had hair all over his chest. Marie ran downstairs and told her mother.
    “Mommy!! Mommy!! He’s got hair all over his chest!”
    Her mother replied, “Marie, you go upstairs and make your mother proud.”
    So Marie ran upstairs and found Mario taking off his pants. He was extremely hairy all over his legs. Marie ran down the steps to tell her mother.
    “Mommy, he’s got hair all over his legs.”
    “Marie, you go upstairs and make your mother proud.”
    Marie ran upstairs and found her new husband sitting on the bed taking off his socks. Unfortunately, he had lost half of his foot in the war. Marie took one look, and ran downstairs.
    “Mommy, Mommy! He’s only got a foot and a half!”
    At this, her mother yelled, “Marie, you wait here. I’m going to go upstairs!”

    Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.
    “Mom, where do babies come from?”
    “Well, dear, a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night, they go into their room and they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby.”
    “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
    “Jewelry, dear.”

    A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk and the man on the lower.
    In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.”
    The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, “I’ve got a better idea. Let’s pretend we’re married.”
    “Why not,” giggles the woman.
    “Right,” he replies. “Get your own fucking blanket.”

    Q. Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a waist?
    A. Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

    A nun gets into a cab in New York. She demurely says in a small, high voice, “Could you please take me to Times Square?”
    In a thick Brooklyn accent the cab driver initiates conversation, “Hey, sista, that’s kinda a long drive. You mind if we, like, chat?”
    The nun says, “Why no, my son, whatever is on your mind?”
    The cab driver says, “About dis celibacy thing. Are you telling me you never think about doin’ it?”
    The nun replies, “Why certainly, my son, the thought has crossed my mind a time or two. I am of weak human flesh, you understand.”
    The driver says, “Well, would ya ever consider, you know, doin’ it?”
    The nun replies, “Well, I suppose under certain conditions, in a very unique circumstance, I might consider it.”
    The cab driver says, “Well what would those conditions happen to be?”
    The nun replies, “Well, he’d have to be Catholic, unmarried and could certainly have no children.”
    The cab driver says, “Well, sista, today is your lucky day. I am all three. Why don’t youse come on up here...I won’t even make you really break your vows. All you gotta do is go down on me.”
    The nun looks around: They are awfully far away from where anyone would recognize her. At the next light she gets into the front with the driver. By the next light, the nun is getting back into the rear of the cab, and the cab driver is smiling from ear to ear. As she settles in, the nun hears the cab driver begin to laugh.
    The nun inquires, “Why, my son, what is so humorous?”
    The cab driver sneers, “Sista, I got ya. I’m Protestant, I’m married, and I’ve got four kids.”
    And from the