The Fourth Stall Part II Read Online Free PDF Page A

looked curious. Unplanned all-school assemblies were unusual. And, to be honest, they made me a little nervous.
    Principal Dickerson walked onto the stage after everyone was settled. He stepped up to the microphone and started talking. He didn’t say good afternoon and make us answer him back; he didn’t say hi; he didn’t even smile. But then again Dickerson never did any of those things; he was a no-nonsense type of guy. “No-nonsense” is an expression I’ve heard my dad use before. I think it’s like a polite way for adults to call people jerks.
    â€œAs some of you may be aware, the school has been having some discipline issues lately, as well as some other internal areas of concern. As a result, the school board has decided to bring in a vice principal for the indefinite future. He will primarily be in charge of handling all disciplinary issues and also will be investigating any and all other reported or suspected funny business. Also, I want to remind you all that . . .”
    As Mr. Dickerson droned on about showing respect and remembering what we’re all there to do and blah, blah, blah, I couldn’t help but wonder where the heck the phrase “funny business” had come from. I mean, why did old people call bad acts “funny business”? Shouldn’t they call it, like, “bad business” or “corrupt activities” or something more fitting? I snapped out of my wondering in time to catch the new vice principal’s introduction.
    â€œ. . . and so I’d like to welcome our new vice principal, Dr. George.”
    I think the student body was supposed to clap because I saw some teachers doing it, but basically nobody really did, so the few claps that were echoing around the room sounded especially lonely and unwelcoming. But I didn’t care about that. All I cared about was trying to confirm if Dickerson had said what I just thought he had, that Dr. George was our new vice principal.
    Dr. George was kind of famous in this area. He was known for being the toughest school principal around. He’d cleaned up some of the worst schools in the area. There were even articles in the local newspapers about him a year ago because he’d whipped into shape this one nearby high school that had been so unruly and horrible that people had started calling it the Failure Factory.
    Dr. George wasn’t a real doctor, like the kind you’d go to see if you were sick. Apparently you can become, like, another kind of doctor, too. I’m not sure exactly how that works, but all I know is that in my experience the fake doctors like Dr. George were usually a lot meaner, and thought they were the smartest people alive.
    My fears were confirmed when our new VP walked up onto the stage. I recognized his stiff toupee from the pictures he’d had in the papers. His eyes bulged from his skull like analog sticks on a PlayStation controller. He and Dickerson shook hands and then George stepped to the podium.
    â€œWell, thank you for the warm welcome,” he said. He wasn’t smiling. “We’re going to have this school running smoothly very soon. Rest assured, anybody who wishes to prevent this from happening or insists on causing problems will be punished to the fullest extent of the school bylaws. From here forward funny business of any kind will not be tolerated.
    â€œAdditionally, we’re going to be administering new state-government-funded and -monitored tests called the Standardized Minimum Aptitude Reviewer Tests, or SMARTs. These tests are an accurate barometer for student achievement and education quality, and I myself have personally worked with state officials and other school administrators within the state to help develop these tests to be effective, efficient, and consistent in their accuracy. They can measure this school’s or any school’s success in a quantifiable way, which is to say, in a way that can be