The Ferrari in the Bedroom Read Online Free PDF Page B

Within two weeks of the delivery of the first new models so equipped, the following will occur:
    HE: “You sure you haven’t been drinking, baby?”
    SHE: “Not a drop for two weeks.”
    HE: “Me either. Now keep your voice low. We don’t want no hassle. This baby is sensitive.”
    SHE: “Don’t worry. I feel nothing but kind thoughts for the world.”
    HE: “If you start feeling bored, fer Chrissake lemme know.”
    SHE: “Don’t worry, I’m on my toes, alert.”
    HE: “Good.”
(They hum along nicely for several minutes.)
    HE: Hey baby, you know there’s something about the way them streetlights light up your profile that just…well…
Boy!”
    SHE: “You’re cute too, Harold.”
    HE: “Your skin is like vanilla yoghurt, your eyes like… just one little kiss!”
    SHE: “Oh Harold!”
    HE: “Oh Marsha!
    SHE: “OH Har—”
Booommm!
    SEX DETERMINED MAJOR CAUSE OF AUTO CRASHES.
WASHINGTON (UPI)
The Ad Hoc Concerned Committee of Involved Citizens For Auto Safety reported today to public safety czar Ralph Nader that their 26-month high-intensity field investigation of auto accidents has come to the conclusion that 43.9% of crashes today are caused by, as the committee put it, “amorous misadventures.” Nader promised immediate action.
    Spitzbergen (AP) Norgemot, the Scandinavian Motor Combine, released today a report on its new Sex-O-Stat which is now being road tested. Consisting of a built-in blood pressure measuring device and an associated thermostatic heat detector which reacts to the sudden increase in body heat due to sexual excitement, the combined unit is known as a Sex-O-Stat. When blood pressure and body temperature rise to a dangerous point the Sex-O-Stat shuts down the engine, rendering it harmless. If successful, it will be mandatory on all future cars.
    Stone sober, icy calm, alert and gelded, within a month of the delivery of their new Norgemot XD/712 Zuds, two drivers, Anton Klautski, 67, of Glendale, California and A. J. (Bucky) Whippersnade, 19, of West Peapack, New Jersey, will have both mysteriously splattered themselves and their Zuds over their respective turnpikes.
    AUTO ACCIDENTS CONTINUE TO MOUNT NATION-
WIDE. PRESIDENT NADER EXPRESSES CONCERN.
    Once again conferences blossom and in-depth surveys accelerate to determine the mysterious causes. Thirteen months pass as an anxious world awaits.
    AGE CRUCIAL FACTOR IN ACCIDENT RISE, COMMISSION FINDS. World-wide statistics prove conclusively that an overwhelming number of accidents of a fatal nature are caused by drivers under the age of 31 and over the age of 44. Accident rates for those under 30 statistically soar, says the report, and are matched only by those drivers over 44. The conclusion is obvious, the report went on. President Nader expressed his deep concern and promised immediate legislation.
    Nairobi, Kenya (UPI) Kenya Kars, Inc, today startled the auto world with its new Chron-O-Stop, a revolutionary device which instantly detects the chronological age of the would-be driver. Consisting of a microscopic needle embedded in the ignition key, it takes a minute blood sample of the driver. Through a computerized analyzer it measures the calcium deposit in the bone joints of the subject, placing the age accurately. It is believed that this device will supersede the new Radium 14 age detection system that was announced by Formosa Motors last month. The Radium 14 method, while accurate, tended to cause leukemia in its users. The new device will be mandatory in all upcoming models.

    In spite of the continuing proliferation of safety devices, insurance rates will rise and people will die like flies on the highways, causing consternation on every side. Three days after his new Kenyan Crocoblast hardtop was delivered, 36-year-old, clear-eyed, abstaining, non-amatory, completely calm Marty Buglebaum was tooling along US 66 at the ready. He turned to his friend Max and said the following:
    MARTY: “You know, Max, it is a fact that