The Ferrari in the Bedroom Read Online Free PDF

popping, he screams, “God dammit, I never could stand that stupid broad even though she is your sis—” BOOMMM!
    Okay, Nader, how you gonna handle that one? After the Martini Meter has been installed universally and the accident rate continues to go up, no doubt someone, after an immensely expensive national survey, will come to the conclusion which we smart asses already know—that there are a hell of a lot of ways to prang a Buick that don’t involve drinking at all. I can see a headline a few years from now:
    ZAGREB (REUTERS)
The Zotz Motorwerken announced today that a new device to detect excessive battling in the car will be tested. The Uproar Meter, as it has been termed, is now in prototype and the results will be announced shortly. It consists of a sound-sensitive diaphragm which, when subjected to excessive yelling, cuts out the ignition, thereby immobilizing the machine.
    Naturally, after the installation of both the Martini Meter and the Uproar Meter accidents will continue to climb andstatistics will soar. Nader will be nonplused momentarily but investigations into the causes will continue at spiraling expense. It will then be discovered that large numbers of accidents occur due to guys dozing off behind the wheel. This phenomenon does not necessarily result from a simple lack of sleep. For example, it is a well-known fact that large numbers of people find themselves totally unable to remain conscious in a Plane Geometry class in spite of twenty-two hour’s sleep the night before. Others snooze off almost immediately when subjected to a David Susskind panel discussion. It is a well-known fact that many brains today are permanently in a state of vegetation bordering on catatonic sleep due to a prolonged overdose of unbroken, steady Hard Rock. For example, a driver is hunched over the wheel of his LDX 1750 Zotsmobile, as sober as a judge. In fact, he has refrained from drinking for forty-eight hours before taking the wheel, fully conscious that his car is watching him at all times. He is driving alone since he knows that taking a passenger with him may activate his Uproar Meter. He nervously hunches over the wheel, conscious that at any moment the Zotz may pull the plug on him. Boredom sneaks in. He flips on the radio.
    “… and I say to you, Senator Dubbleman, that the people of this country are now embarking on a sensitivity-awakening phase which will ultimately result in…”
    “Just a moment, Susskind. Or can I call you Dave? Just the other day I was talking to Bella Abzug about that very thing, and as Arthur Schlesinger put it—”
Booooommm!
    INVESTIGATING COMMISSION DISCOVERS BOREDOM CAUSE OF MANY ACCIDENTS.
    We are now off again. Nader’s Raiders embark on an Anti-Boredom crusade as accidents spiral once again. Sinceit is well known that Industry responds to the demands of the public, inevitably the following news item will appear:
    AMANABAD, INDIA (AP)
The Maharaja Motor Corporation Ltd. today announced the development of a Boredom Detector. Since boredom is a major cause of auto accidents it is hoped that their new device will prevent this from occurring in the future. It consists of a highly-sensitive microphone which instantly detects the slightest snoring and measures the drop in respiration rate by the use of two electrodes embedded in the seat back. Tests are now being conducted on the Ennui Unit which, if successful, will be mandatory in all cars of the future.
    By the following year drivers of new cars, surrounded by Martini Meters, Boredom Dectors, Uproar Meters, safety belts (which by then will automatically overpower and clamp the driver into his seat whether he likes it or not, grabbing him in an octopus-like grip actuated by Selsen motors) will continue to smash themselves into oblivion with reckless abandon. New committees will be formed, especially those calling themselves
ad hoc.
Crash programs will proliferate and once again Nader’s crowd will ride full cry into the fray.