The Decimation of Mae (The Blue Butterfly) Read Online Free PDF Page A

cool tiles,
concentrating on the texture of the smooth surface.
    A solitary tear slipped from the corner of my eye as
Daniel took my innocence in a single thrust. I never felt the pain of losing my
virginity, all I experienced was an overwhelming numbness that rolled over me
like a mist across the morning tide. A detachment surrounded me as his fingers
curled around my hips and he began to groan.
     
    It’s funny how you think you’ll react when being raped.
I’m not sure how other people saw it but I always imagined I’d scream and cry
and fight, but in the moment, in the actual moment that a man took away my
soul, I felt nothing.
    I closed my eyes as another tear leaked from me, just a
sole one, a lonely one that craved the comfort of its partner and chased it
down my face quickly as it tried to gain solace from its mate. I wanted to
catch it on my finger before it dripped off my chin and abandoned me. I needed
it to remain with me; the only sensation I could feel was its trickle down my
face and I had an overwhelming feeling that when it managed to leave me, it would
take the remaining parts of my spirit with it.
    But it didn’t hear my pleas; it didn’t wait to see the
massacre unfold as it fell from my face and splashed on the floor by my little
toe.
     
    My mother’s smile comforted me as Daniel thrust harder
and clawed at my back, his nails scraping the skin on either side of my spinal
column as he grew feverish and animalistic. I was flung around. My knees
crashed on the hard floor as a hand pushed my head down until I was completely
flat against the floor, my cheek squashed against the unforgiving coldness of
the floor tiles. Yet, still I remained unfeeling and disconnected.
    Comfort came in the image of my mother’s beautiful smile
and happy eyes as she took my hand and led me across the field. The swallows
were out, their silhouettes gliding against the sunlight, providing shadows to
dance across the strip of sunlight marking our path through the trees. Their
song was a pretty one, as though they welcomed me and my mother to their home,
their happy calls of pride in their habitat brought my mother’s laughter.
    Another tear fell as I felt him become more frenzied.
Yule, our three-year-old Scotty dog, bounced after a stick my mom threw, his
tail swishing happily as he chased and fetched. I laughed when he leapt after a
squirrel and dived straight into the stream. He had never been a good judge of
his surroundings, his constant knocks and grazes against all things in his path
had been the bane of my parents’ life with expensive vet bills, but their love
for Yule had seen them fork out hundreds after hundreds.
     
    I started to sing with my
dead Mother as she grinned happily at me. Somewhere over the Rainbow filled my thoughts, taking my attention as my hand swung in hers and we giggled
and sang louder. The swallows scurried away, making us laugh harder as we
scared them with our singing.
     
    I started to lose consciousness when something was
slipped into my mouth, an old rag or some sort of towel stuffed between my open
jaws. I groaned when I eventually felt something. There was a mass of wetness
between my legs that felt warm and almost obstructive. The sensation made me
shiver as revulsion coiled in my gut.
    “Oh dear, and I said I wouldn’t make you bleed.” Daniel’s
voice fluttered around in my head but the haze unfocussed the meaning of his
words and I continued to stare at the small crack in one of the tiles on the
wall.
    I didn’t feel him finish, or pull out. I didn’t even feel
the pull of sleep after he slid a needle into my vein. All I felt was the
overwhelming warmth of motherly comfort I had missed for over four years.
    She had always been there through my childhood scrapes
and calamities, had always soothed me and mopped up my tears. She had always
shown me where to find my courage, how to dig deep inside me and pull up the nerve
to deal with life’s hell.
    And even though she left me