The Darker Side of Mummy Misfit #2 Read Online Free PDF Page A
Author: Amanda Egan
upturned rubbish bin. Och, I’m canny!”
Canny? Nuts, more like!
I know we all worry about our kids but Lou seems to have taken it to new heights - with the help of an upturned rubbish bin!
PM
Finally forced myself to ring Fenella. Knew I couldn’t put it off any longer.
“Oh, Sweedie, I’m so sorry. I know there’s nothing I can say to make it any better but I’m here for you, I hope you know that.”
I assured her I did, as I guzzled my wine and slipped her the finger.
Bugger you Fenella! You might still be pregnant but at least I can drink wine!
Saturday 4 th October
Might have put away a little too much wine last night as I had a bit of headache this morning.
Nic called and I decided I couldn’t avoid him any longer either.
“Oh, my Libster. What can I say? Rick and I are so very sorry. We know how much this baby meant to you. It’s just not fair, Hun.”
I agreed that, no, it wasn’t fair and we chatted for a while with me having a bit of a sniffle.
“I know it’s no consolation but we collect the little Russian bundle next month. We’re going to need all the help we can get. You won’t desert us, will you Lib?”
Told him I wouldn’t, but couldn’t help feeling I may have told a little white lie.
I couldn’t have my own baby, why the hell should I have to make an effort with other people’s?
I can’t even be bothered to pick up the phone to my sister Elle because I know she’ll want to talk about her own baby Gracie and I don’t want to hear it.
Not sure how much longer I can avoid all these babies but I’m going to hang out for as long as I can get away with it.
Sunday 5 th October
I don’t like feeling this bitter. A constant state of nastiness seems to have taken residence and is spreading through me like venom.
Every TV or magazine ad seems to show glowing mothers with perfect babies and the world around me suddenly seems to be filled with heavily pregnant women.
There were two in the restaurant we went to for lunch today - comparing bumps and looking stupidly smug.
Irritating fat cows! I poured myself another glass of wine, because there was nothing to stop me.
Had an early night - nothing to talk to Ned about and just wanted to switch off.
Monday 6 th October
Max asked me today why I have a sad face.
“Mummy, you always had a smiley face and now it just looks mean and cross. I want my old mummy back.”
Think I spotted Ned slightly raising his eyebrows in the background.
And I wanted to spit in his face.
My reaction shocked me. I’ve never had thoughts like that about my husband - ever!
Have the feeling that my marbles may well have joined Mrs S’s lost ones and, frankly my dear, I don’t give a shit.
Tuesday 7 th October
CCL
We’ve got a fundraising meeting tonight and I really don’t feel like going. Not only will I have to face Fenella with her taunting bump but I’ll have to put up with the usual bloody petty waffling from the insufferable Meemies.
Just wish I could resign and hibernate - I don’t want to play at grown-ups anymore.
Wednesday 8 th October
Well … I made it through the meeting without killing anyone but that’s about all that can be said. Not proud of myself but I can’t change things now.
Hinge & Bracket weren’t there to keep proceedings in order and, as the only other staff representative, the pin-up Mr Rooney seemed to find the whole school committee thing mildly amusing and did nothing to take control of the agenda.
We were joined by the class reps from each year as plans are under way for the Christmas fair in November. This year the fair’s being organised by Dress-up Mummy and Shergar - with a little extra help from Barbie - just so along as it doesn’t coincide with a hair or nail appointment.
After last year’s dramas, Fenella
Canny? Nuts, more like!
I know we all worry about our kids but Lou seems to have taken it to new heights - with the help of an upturned rubbish bin!
PM
Finally forced myself to ring Fenella. Knew I couldn’t put it off any longer.
“Oh, Sweedie, I’m so sorry. I know there’s nothing I can say to make it any better but I’m here for you, I hope you know that.”
I assured her I did, as I guzzled my wine and slipped her the finger.
Bugger you Fenella! You might still be pregnant but at least I can drink wine!
Saturday 4 th October
Might have put away a little too much wine last night as I had a bit of headache this morning.
Nic called and I decided I couldn’t avoid him any longer either.
“Oh, my Libster. What can I say? Rick and I are so very sorry. We know how much this baby meant to you. It’s just not fair, Hun.”
I agreed that, no, it wasn’t fair and we chatted for a while with me having a bit of a sniffle.
“I know it’s no consolation but we collect the little Russian bundle next month. We’re going to need all the help we can get. You won’t desert us, will you Lib?”
Told him I wouldn’t, but couldn’t help feeling I may have told a little white lie.
I couldn’t have my own baby, why the hell should I have to make an effort with other people’s?
I can’t even be bothered to pick up the phone to my sister Elle because I know she’ll want to talk about her own baby Gracie and I don’t want to hear it.
Not sure how much longer I can avoid all these babies but I’m going to hang out for as long as I can get away with it.
Sunday 5 th October
I don’t like feeling this bitter. A constant state of nastiness seems to have taken residence and is spreading through me like venom.
Every TV or magazine ad seems to show glowing mothers with perfect babies and the world around me suddenly seems to be filled with heavily pregnant women.
There were two in the restaurant we went to for lunch today - comparing bumps and looking stupidly smug.
Irritating fat cows! I poured myself another glass of wine, because there was nothing to stop me.
Had an early night - nothing to talk to Ned about and just wanted to switch off.
Monday 6 th October
Max asked me today why I have a sad face.
“Mummy, you always had a smiley face and now it just looks mean and cross. I want my old mummy back.”
Think I spotted Ned slightly raising his eyebrows in the background.
And I wanted to spit in his face.
My reaction shocked me. I’ve never had thoughts like that about my husband - ever!
Have the feeling that my marbles may well have joined Mrs S’s lost ones and, frankly my dear, I don’t give a shit.
Tuesday 7 th October
CCL
We’ve got a fundraising meeting tonight and I really don’t feel like going. Not only will I have to face Fenella with her taunting bump but I’ll have to put up with the usual bloody petty waffling from the insufferable Meemies.
Just wish I could resign and hibernate - I don’t want to play at grown-ups anymore.
Wednesday 8 th October
Well … I made it through the meeting without killing anyone but that’s about all that can be said. Not proud of myself but I can’t change things now.
Hinge & Bracket weren’t there to keep proceedings in order and, as the only other staff representative, the pin-up Mr Rooney seemed to find the whole school committee thing mildly amusing and did nothing to take control of the agenda.
We were joined by the class reps from each year as plans are under way for the Christmas fair in November. This year the fair’s being organised by Dress-up Mummy and Shergar - with a little extra help from Barbie - just so along as it doesn’t coincide with a hair or nail appointment.
After last year’s dramas, Fenella
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