The Comfort of Black Read Online Free PDF

said it was true.” He shifted his weight to one leg, his posture more casual than his words. “Look, Hannah, you’re asking me to defend something I did when I was unconscious. So if you’re going to stand here and ask me to justify words I couldn’t control, then I’m asking you to deal with my answers. So I’m asking you, if I had violent fantasies that I never acted upon, what would you do? Would you explore them with me?”
    â€œGod,
no
.”
    â€œThen what?” His voice rose just a few decibels. “Would you leave me?”
    She shook her head. “
No
, Dallin. I just want to understand. Why are you asking me this?”
    There was a moment in his eyes, a brief flash of desperation, of pleading. The moment in the interrogation room where the suspect wanted to confess, considered it for a moment, lured by the promise of
It’s okay. Tell us what happened and it’ll make things better for you
.
    Then the moment was gone.
    â€œWell, I don’t have an answer except to tell you I’m the man you’ve always known. Who is
not
a rapist and murderer. I mean, are you even kidding me about this? You know I have bad dreams from time to time.”
    â€œSometimes I feel you only show me what you want me to see.”
    â€œWhat does that mean?”
    â€œLike you never telling me about your second phone.”
    â€œThe two-phone argument again? I told you it was for work.” Dallin balled his fists and then released them. “Do you tell me about every part of your life?”
    She hesitated. “I tell you about every part of my life here,” she continued, quietly adding the “here” as her loophole. “You know why? Because I love you and want to share with you. You know what I do all day, because I
tell
you. But you come home and tell me work was good, or some meeting was great, or maybe a small piece of something that’s bothering you. Other than that, I don’t get anything from you. That’s if I’m lucky enough to see you before I go to bed.”
    â€œHannah, I just don’t think you would—”
    â€œWhat,
understand
?”
Hannie, you dumb rube
. “I’m too stupid to understand your work?”
    â€œCalm down. I was going to say find it interesting.”
    Was there anything more enraging than to be told to calm down? Hannah felt her neck muscles tighten. “I just don’t want to feel like this.”
    â€œFeel like what?”
    â€œThat you have secrets from me.”
    â€œI’m confused. I have a bad dream and you think I’m full of secrets all of a sudden? Well, shit, Hannah, maybe I should start sleeping in another room. Better yet, I’ll just stay awake from now on. Would that help?”
    â€œYou basically admitted you have violent fantasies.”
    â€œI didn’t say that at all.”
    â€œThen tell me you don’t.”
    He leaned in, almost predatory.
    â€œI
don’t
.”
    â€œIt’s more than just what you said. The past two years. You’ve been distant. I hardly see you. We go weeks without sex—”
    Dallin pushed his fingers up through his hair and let out a sigh of exasperation, the sigh of someone who had the same argument a thousand times before and had to have it yet once again.
    â€œI know I work a lot. But by the time I get home, you’ve already lost yourself in a bottle of wine. You’ve replaced me with that glass. How do you think that makes me feel?”
    She moved to set the wine glass down but held it defiantly, as if proving her drinking wasn’t the problem.
    â€œMaybe I drink because I’m bored and lonely. You spend longer hours away from me as each month passes. Jesus, it’s such a cliché. The richer we get the emptier I feel.”
    â€œHannah, do you want me to leave Echo? Leave what I’ve built?”
    Echo. His company. Everything was about Echo.
    â€œActually, sometimes I