The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism Read Online Free PDF Page A

aiming to portray, sooner or later what’s called a
microexpression
will flash across our face. These split-second microexpressions may be fleeting, but they will be caught by observers (remember, people can read your face in as little as seventeen milliseconds). And if there’s an incongruence between our main expression and that microexpression, people will feel it on a subconscious level: their gut will tell them something’s not quite right. *
    Have you ever sensed the difference between a real smile and a fake one? There is a clear, visible difference between a
social smile
and a
true smile
. A true smile brings into play two groups of facial muscles—one lifts the corners of the mouth and the other affects the area around the eyes. In a genuine smile, while the outer corners of the mouth lift, the inner corners of the eyebrows soften and fall down. In a fake smile, only the mouth-corner muscle (the zygomatic major) is used. The smile does not reach the eyes, or at least not in the same way a real smile would, 6 and people can spot the difference.
    Because what’s in your mind shows up in your body and because people will catch even the briefest microexpression, to be effective,
charismatic behaviors must originate in your mind.
    If your internal state is anticharismatic, no amount of effort and willpower can make up for it. Sooner or later, some of your underlying thoughts and feelings will show through. On the other hand, if your internal state
is
charismatic, then the right body language will flow forth effortlessly. Thus, the first step in learning charisma—and what the first part of this book is all about—is developing the various mental states that produce charismatic body language and behaviors.
    We will start by gaining some insight into charismatic mental states—what they are, how to best access them, and how to fully integrate them so they become effortless. Only afterward will we start practicing external charismatic behaviors. Learning these skills in the reverse order could lead to embarrassing results. Imagine that you’re giving an important presentation. You’re doing well, using all the great new tools you’ve learned, being incredibly charismatic. Andthen suddenly, someone says something that rattles your mental focus and shakes your emotional confidence. You become flustered, and all your newly acquired skills fly out the window.
    Striving to acquire external charisma skills without learning how to handle your internal world is like adding pretty balconies to a house with a weak foundation. It’s a nice touch, but at the first earthquake everything falls apart. If your internal state is in turmoil, it’s hard to remember, let alone use, the new skills you’ve just learned. Charismatic internal skills, which help you manage your internal state, form the necessary foundation upon which to build your charismatic external skills.
    When companies hire me to help them improve performance—to help their executives become more persuasive, more influential, more inspiring—they often tell me that their people possess solid
technical
skills. Technical skills are raw brainpower, what we use to understand the instructions for assembling furniture. What these executives are lacking, I’m told, are social skills—and so people arrive expecting surface lessons in social graces and business etiquette.
    But what these executives need first and foremost are personal,
internal
skills. Individuals with strong internal skills are aware of what exactly is happening inside them and know how to handle it. They can recognize when their self-confidence has taken a hit and have the tools to get back to a confident state so that their body language remains charismatic.
    Here’s a self-rating diagram I often draw for the people I coach, from young associates to CEOs, asking them to evaluate themselves and their subordinates. Take a moment to rate your technical, external, and internal skills in the table