The Breakup Artist Read Online Free PDF Page A

books and culture.” I was rambling off everything listed on my fact sheet for David and looking like a complete idiot while doing it. If I didn’t regain my cool and composed façade quickly, I might actually fail a job for the first time. Taking a deep breath, I rearranged my facial expression to one of composure. Taylor was just staring at me with that look that cool boys give to nerdy girls who have just confessed their love for them. I’d seen it many times but no one had ever given it to me. Just for this I decided I would have to pull out all the stops.
    I let a little sideways smile creep onto my face as if there were some joke on Taylor that he wasn’t in on. “I’m kidding,” I said finally in a way that said, “Weren’t you cool enough to understand that?” This seemed to appease his wonder at my sudden fall from coolness. “I’ll call you later tonight and we’ll talk about it,” I lied smoothly. Then I got up from my spot beside him right as the bell rang and walked as quickly as I could to class without full-on sprinting.
    Even though I had managed to secure the date in the allotted time I’d given myself, I couldn’t help but feel slightly shaken by my horrible performance. I had never lost my cool during a job before. I tried to blame it on my pre-prom depression and sat quietly through history, which wasn’t difficult to do since the teacher had a tendency to lecture at us while the class slept. I confidently told myself that it was a one-time occurrence and I wouldn’t let myself be thrown like that again.
    That’s probably why, in the weeks to come, I didn’t expect the changes that came hurtling toward me.

Chapter Six
    At the break I made my way over to where I had been told Corey would be. I quickly re-fluffed my hair and re-applied my dark red lipstick, making sure I looked as hip and fashionable as the girl who had hired me to eighty-six her boyfriend.
    He turned out to be a slightly dimwitted boy, much to my pleasure. He knew more about clothing and fashion than I ever wanted to think about, and had absolutely no trouble believing I was interested in him. Just to test my own limits, I tried dropping the bomb on him during the break. I wanted to see if a ten minute meet, mingle, and break could actually be done.
    It turned out that he had been hoping to ask someone else to the prom, which he told me without any reservations, so he welcomed the news of his relationship’s untimely death with great enthusiasm. He thanked me for making his job easier and I was done before the bell even rang for my sign language class. I almost felt like I could have gotten money out of him for the break up as well.
    After breaking up with people for so long, I’ve come to realize two things: most of the time it’s not nearly as hard as people think, and half of the time the other person wants out just as badly, or they’re willing to pretend they want out to save their own reputation. Either way, both of these facts mean that breakups aren’t that difficult, and I’m being paid to do a really easy job. But it’s like I’ve said before: I have no problem helping people out and getting financial compensation for my efforts. After all, even if it’s not an emotionally distressing thing for me to do, it’s still time-consuming and that directly impacts my wallet and my social life, which is why I fully deserve the money I get.
    Because American Sign Language was a class I actually had to pay attention in, I didn’t have much time to plot my next attack. I figured David could wait until tomorrow anyway. Besides, if I finished all of my clients up too early and didn’t find any others to fill my time with, I’d have some pretty boring lunch periods for the next three weeks. After class I grabbed a slice of pepperoni pizza and a soda from the lunch line and headed for a little hallway right outside the library. There weren’t usually many people there, so I didn’t run the risk of running into a