The Brain in Love: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life Read Online Free PDF Page B

tend to be impulsive in what they say or do, often causing serious problems in relationships (such as saying hurtful things without forethought). They tend to live in the moment and have trouble delaying gratification (I want it now). They also have trouble listening in relationships and tend to be easily distracted. There is often difficulty expressing thoughts and feelings; partners often complain of a lack of talking in the relationship. They tend to be restless and fidgety. In addition, they tend to be sensitive to noise and touch. Organization of time and space is difficult and they have trouble staying on task and finishing projects, commitments, and chores. There is also a tendency to be late. In addition, many people with PFC problems have an unconscious tendency to be conflict seeking or to look for problems when none exist. I call this tendency “the game of let’s have a problem.” They also tend to seek stimulation or do high-risk activities that upset or frighten their partners(such as driving too fast, skydiving, getting in the middle of a fight between strangers). Also, many people with PFC problems cannot filter out noise, smells, or light and tend to be overly sensitive to their environments, thus easily distracted.
POSITIVE PFC RELATIONAL STATEMENTS
You’re important to me. Let’s do something tonight.
I love you. I’m glad we’re together.
I love to listen to you.
I’ll be on time for our date.
Let’s get these chores done so that we’ll have more time together.
I don’t want to fight. Let’s take a break and come back in ten minutes and work this out.
I made that mistake before. I’m not making it again.
I planned a wonderful evening for us.
How do you like me to touch you? I want to please you.
NEGATIVE PFC RELATIONAL STATEMENTS
I’m just a half hour late. Why are you so uptight about it?
If you want the checkbook balanced, do it yourself.
I’ll do it later.
I find it hard to listen to you.
Go ahead and talk to me. I can listen to you while I’m watching TV and reading this book.
I can’t express myself.
My mind goes blank when I try to express my feelings.
I didn’t mean to have the affair (or, overspend, embarrass you at the party, say the hurtful comments, etc.).
I just can’t sit still.
The noise bothers me.
I get so distracted (while listening, during sex, when playing a game, etc.).
I need the answer now.
I want it now.
I’m so mad at myself. I’ve made that mistake too many times.
STATEMENTS FROM PARTNERS OF PEOPLE WITH PFC PROBLEMS
He’s impulsive. She blurts out and interrupts. He doesn’t pay attention to me. She won’t let me finish a comment. She says she has to say a thought that comes into her head or she’ll forget it.
He has to have the fan on at night to sleep. It drives me crazy.
She often seems to start a problem for no particular reason.
He loves to challenge everything I say.
She gets so distracted during sex.
He teases the animals and it makes me furious. She can’t sit still.
He puts things off and tends not to finish things.
She’s always late, rushing around at the last minute.
    P REFRONTAL C ORTEX (PFC) S UMMARY
(the boss in your head, supervising your life)
PFC Functions (supervision)  
Low PFC Problems (lack of supervision)  
Focus  
Short attention span  
Forethought  
Lack of clear goals or forward thinking  
Impulse control  
Impulsivity  
Organization  
Disorganization  
Planning, goal setting  
Procrastination  
Judgment  
Poor judgment  
Empathy  
Lack of empathy  
Emotional control  
Failure to give close attention to detail  
Insight  
Lack of insight  
Learning from mistakes  
Trouble learning from mistakes  
   
Tendency to lose things  
   
Easy distraction  
    D IAGNOSTIC P ROBLEMS A SSOCIATED WITH L OW PFC A CTIVITY
ADHD  
Some types of depression  
Brain trauma  
Dementia, associated with bad judgment  
Antisocial personality  
Conduct disorders  
    D IAGNOSTIC P ROBLEMS A