far from shore and close to the flashing red light, as the boat rocked in the calm sea, I made my first journey, leaving my fatherâs body and settling deep inside my mother.
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7
As the months passed my motherâs belly expanded to make room for me as I grew. The rounded bulge stuck out and she couldnât hide it forever under her loose clothes. She hid it from my father at first. âIt was a strange marriage,â my mother said. âIt didnât seem real, especially after he had fulfilled his objective. He was still my master, in spite of everything that had happened. So I kept you secretly inside me because I was frightened he might try to make me have an abortion if he found out.â Like Aunt Aida, she didnât tell my father she was pregnant till it would have been impossible to have an abortion.
My father didnât believe it at first. He didnât know what to do when he realised she was serious. He told her off for keeping quiet about it for so long. âThat was when I realised that this wasnât a real marriage,â she said. He hinted at the idea of an abortion. When he understood it was too late he promised her he would act at the right time. As time passed the changes were obvious â the way she looked and the way she moved, her complexion, her nose, her lips, her swollen fingers and the way she walked. It wasnât hard to tell, especially as the lady of the house was the fatherâs mother. One day in the kitchen, in the presence of the Indian cook, Grandmother sprang the question on her. âWho did it?â she asked, expecting my mother to confess that she had slept with the cook. My mother burst into tears, and the cook fell to his knees, kissed Grandmotherâs hands and assured her he had never gone anywhere near Josephine.
My father heard his mother shouting in the kitchen. He left the study and headed towards all the noise. My father sent the cook off with a wave of his hand. He turned to his mother and, casually and rebelliously, he said, âItâs me.â
There was a heavy silence, then my grandmother said, âYes, you, the man of the house. Youâll deal with that bastard, wonât you?â
She was sure the cook had done it, so my father had to explain. âNo, it was me who did it, Mother,â he said.
She clasped her chest with the palm of her hand, as if her heart had sunk and she had to hold it in place. She put her hands over her ears and then over her face. âSheâll have to leave,â she said, in a voice that was hardly audible.
âIâm not in the habit of going back on what I say or do, and sometimes thereâs no going back anyway,â my father answered coldly.
His mother was about to collapse. Despite appearances, my father was also close to collapse. She took her hands off her face, sat down and pounded the dining table with her fist.
âYou can write stuff like that for your crazy readers, but not for me,â she shouted.
âI made a mistake when I made this baby,â my father replied. âBut I donât want to make a bigger mistake by abandoning it.â My mother said she had never heard him raise his voice so loud, and this was at his mother!
My three aunts had gathered at the kitchen door after hearing all the noise. They didnât dare come closer.
âThat slut Josephine must leave the country tomorrow,â Grandmother said.
My mother clasped her hands together in front of her face and wept.
âYes, yes, madam, Iâll leave tomorrow,â she said.
My father silenced her with his hand. âShe wonât leave as long as sheâs carrying a part of me in her womb,â he said.
His mother stood up straight, her hands resting on the table in front of her. âThe girl at college, the one who . . . Iâll arrange the engagement, tomorrow if you like,â she said.
My father shook his head. âItâs too late for that,