stupid is forever Read Online Free PDF

students: Okay class, it’s time to go
home. Form a line and pass out slowly.
    Wrong word usages
    Laity — Hometown ni Imelda Marcos ang laity.
    Mention — Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang mention.
    Punctuation — Sabi ng isang bata,
    "Daddy, pasukan na next week.
    Kailangan ko po ng punctuation.”
    Tenacious — Before playing tennis I have to put on my tenacious.
    Curtain and Kitchen — Aray! Huwag
mo kong curtain. Masa-kitchen.
    Subukan natin ang talino ninyo. Use the word
"ANYONE” in a sentence. Answer: "Nasaan
na kayo? Bakit niyo ako ANYONE?”
    I heard one of the questions in the last bar exams
went like this: Should Santa Claus be considered a
criminal? The answer is yes. He is liable for crimes
such as illegal surveillance, unfair labor practices,
animal abuse, and breaking and entering.
    Law school is quite easy. It’s like a stroll
in a park. Pero Jurassic Park.
    Ano ang sabi ng anak na caterpillar sa tatay caterpillar?
'’Tay, bilhan mo ako ng sapatos!”
    Sumagot ang tatay caterpillar:
    "Sipain kita d’yan e!”
    Paano mo sasabihin sa classmate mo na bungi-
bungi ang ngipin niya nang hindi siya magagalit?
Ganito: Wow, classmate, ang ganda naman ng ngipin
mo! Para silang nag-eexam, one seat apart!
    Boss: Why do you think we should hire you?
John: Kasi po bago pa lang po ako
    kaya wala pa po akong sungay.
    Boss:    In English, please.
    John: Ah, uhm, well you see I’m brand
new so I’m not yet horny.
    Teacher:    Use the word "beautiful” in a sentence.
    Student:    "'My teacher is beautiful, isn’t she?”
    Teacher:    Thank you, it’s very flattering.
    Now, translate it in Tagalog.
    Student: "Ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?’
    Gardo:    Pedro, nahirapan ka ba sa questions sa exam?
    Pedro:    Hindi naman!
    Cardo: Ang galing mo naman!
    Pedro:    Nahirapan ako sa answers!
    75
    Stupid is Forever
    Teacher: Ano ang similarity nina Jose Rizal,
Andres Bonifacio, at Ninoy Aquino?
    Student: Lahat sila, namatay ng holiday!
    Madaling magkasakit ang mga sexy; ang mga crush
ng bayan; ang ma-appeal at henyo; ang kind,
thoughtful, smart, sweet, and malakas ang karisma.
Bigla yatang sumama ng pakiramdam ko, ah.
    Hindi lahat ng nananalo ay magagaling
dahil may nandadaya.
    Hindi lahat ng matalino ay mataas ang
grades dahil may nangongopya.
Hindi lahat ng artista ay sexy dahil di
naman ako artista, sexy lang talaga.
    Gaano katalino ang estudyanteng Pilipino?
Common sense pa lang nila, IQ na ng ibang senator.
    8o

     
    Alam niyo ba ang alamat ng giraffe? Minsan sa sobrang
galit ko, binigyan ko ng uppercut ang isang kabayo. Sa
kanya nag-umpisa ang kauna-unahang giraffe.
     
    Ladies and gentlemen:
    I am happy, despite my chronic fatigue syndrome, to
come to this campus of the Lyceum of the Philippines
University at Batangas City. I have several reasons
for defying my doctors in coming here:
    In 2009, CHED gave to Lyceum the highest
award for a university — the award of autonomous
status;
    In 2012, the Philippine Association of Colleges
and Universities cited Lyceum for the highest
number of accredited programs in this region, and
the second highest in the entire country;
    And most important of all — Lyceum Batangas
rivals Metro Manila universities in terms of
population — 9,000 students, who will be voters in
the 2016 presidential and senatorial elections.
    Hence, I have come in recognition of the fact
that some of you will become senators like my good
friend and mentor, Dr. Sotero H. Laurel. And
at least one of you, I predict, like President Jose
P. Laurel, will someday become president of the
Philippines.
    What Is Leadership?
    Leadership is defined as "a process of social influence
in which one person can enlist the aid and support
of others in the accomplishment of a common task.”
According to authorities, leadership has two
    dimensions:
    Consideration, which emphasizes good relations.
A leader is friendly, approachable, and a good
listener.
    Initiating structure, which stresses