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he was really in the Senior lounge at Stronghold rather than on the Kz'adul. A shiver ran through him as he tried to dispel the memories of the pain and humiliation he'd suffered at the hands of J'koshuk.

In a way, he was grateful to the priest for stripping away the last of his illusions. Up until then, he'd led the privileged and protected life of a telepath, been sheltered from the harsher realities. He now knew the only constant in life was pain, everything else was transitory, a break or brief diversion, like his Link with Carrie. While they'd been Leskas, he'd been freed from the debilitating pain ordinary telepaths experienced if they tried to fight— their own and that of those they hurt. That respite had gone, replaced by something worse— the inability to even try to use what remained of his psi abilities without experiencing the agony brought on by the filaments left embedded in his brain by the Primes' implant.

Sitting up, he scrubbed at his face then ran his hands over his ears and through his hair, pulling it back from his face. Episodes like this one had been lessening recently to the point where he'd thought they were finally over: he should have known better. He looked at his wrist comm; barely an hour had passed. It had seemed longer. Dawn was still four hours away.

Resting his arms on the table, he lowered his head to rest on them and closed his eyes. He needed some sleep before he left for the spaceport, but he couldn't sleep, not while Carrie was in labor bearing the cub she and Kaid shared— the cub whose very conception had saved the lives of all three of them.

The mixture of drugs and the neural disruptor in the collar he'd worn on the Kz'adul had isolated him completely from his Leska Link with her. She'd not been so lucky. Awakened long before him, the time bomb that was their compulsion to mate every fifth day had been ticking away slowly from the moment they'd brought her out of cryo to operate on the near-fatal wound she'd received on Jalna. Only the fact they'd kept putting her back in a reduced stasis field had enabled her to survive.

As soon as they'd awakened him from cryo, because of their separation, their deaths would have been inevitable had it not been for the fact they were a Triad. Unable to reach him mentally, Carrie's mind had subconsciously found Kaid's and begun to bond with him. He'd been there when time had finally run out. Pairing with him wouldn't have been enough; what had swung the balance was her fertility because of the Primes' removal of her contraceptive implant. He owed his life to this cub, he had to wait till she was born, not least because as her Triad-father, he felt responsible for her.

He remembered when Carrie had given birth to their daughter, Kashini. She'd been so afraid, and in such pain. He remembered it well because he'd shared it through their Leska Link. He should be there now, sharing her pain with Kaid— he needed to be there! Anger and resentment flared as he thought of the message that had arrived at Haven a week ago. Damn them! All he'd wanted from life was to raise cubs with her and run his estate, instead of which, there she was with Kaid doing just that while he was the one heading off alone on a mission that was probably nothing more than an elaborate trap!

The torc around his neck began to vibrate gently, warning him. He clasped his hand to it, forcing himself to take slower breaths and turn his thoughts inward to the litanies, trying not to think of Kaid, the sword-brother who had taught them to him a lifetime ago. Slowly, very slowly, he became calmer and the vibration ceased.

     
    * * *
     
    Dawn was lighting the sky when he heard the door open again.

"Word's just come from Noni. The cub's been safely delivered and Carrie's fine. It's a daughter," said Rhyaz.

Tiredly, Kusac lifted his head to look at the Brotherhood Warrior Master. His night's vigil, haunted as it had been by memories, had exhausted him. "I know. Are the others