Stranger and Stranger Read Online Free PDF Page A

Raven has a soul, and where I got the body parts I made her out of, and whether it might be appropriate to ask the FBI to come take a look at her.
     
    M OM : Yeah, well, I don’t think anyone’s going to ask THOSE particular questions, E.
    M E : Really? Then I guess we’re good, right?
    M: Um, not really. First of all, if Silifordville is anything like Blandindulle, then half the men in town are going to have crushes on her within a week. And you know that’s only going to lead to trouble.
    M E : Oh, right. Like, fistfights and stuff?
    M: [Rolling her eyes.] Yeah, and stuff. And what happens when I start getting the calls about my beautiful but slow-witted daughter, who’s up on the neighbor’s roof chatting with birds? How about when she accidentally puts someone in the hospital?
    M E : OK, Patti…why don’t I just donate her to science? Would that solve the problem?
    M: Hey, no need to get sarcastic. I’m just saying, you brought her into the world, so you have to be responsible when she gets into trouble.
    M E : Hmph.

     
    Am now upstairs pondering the problem. Am feeling crabby, as I always do when Mom wraps up discussions with pointed comments that are clearly meant to reflect on ME. But also…seeing her point.
    Later—middle of the day
    I should not be awake, but the household is in an uproar, and once again it is Raven’s fault. Before I went to bed, I’d instructed her to spend the day cleaning up the house and yard. I mean, I was only trying to do something nice. How was I to know that Mom would step outside into what looked like a terrifying uprising of rotting animal zombies?
    Yeah, so, I was awakened by horrific screaming and went down to scope the situation. Neighbors had gathered, Raven was covered in dirt, Mom was hysterical, and the yard was full of small skeletons, mummies, half mummies, and a few of your average bloated, putrefying carcasses.
    I had to perform a little down-’n’-dirty detective work to determine whether there had been any foul play. It was fascinating, but all good things must come to an end eventually.
     
    M E : [Glancing up finally to see crowd of neighbors still standing around, looking horrified.] It’s all right. I think it’s safe to say that these birds, squirrels, snakes, lizards, possums, and raccoons died in the normal course of Nature.
    N EIGHBOR #1: [To Mom.] What’s…wrong with her?
    M OM : [Nervously.] Nothing! She’s just…scientifically minded!
    N EIGHBOR #2: That stuff is like rilly gross.
    N EIGHBOR #3: Man, do you really need to do…THAT…to a squirrel to know that it’s dead?
    M E : [Staggering to feet. Lurching toward neighbors. Gargling slightly.]
    N EIGHBORS : GAHHH! AIIIEEEEEE! [Dispersing. Very quickly.]
     
    Mom was not super pleased at my Igor impression. It took several minutes of sweet talk for me to convince her that it was a funny joke and sure to improve neighbor relations in the long run. I also persuaded her that we can hardly blame Raven for not knowing that rotting animal bodies are an acceptable feature of a clean yard.
    Mom made sure I clarified to Raven that rotting animals belong UNDERGROUND.
    Raven corrected her mistake.
    Am going back to bed.

    June 5
    incredible obstacle courses discovered, 1; incredible obstacle courses conquered, 0
    Have been treed by a ferocious canine!!
    The cats and I were working on a nice new set of covert pathsthrough the neighborhood, and had made some great progress when we were thwarted by one of the nastiest dogs we have ever met!!! All we were trying to do was use his yard as a passageway between the O’Donnells’ and the Kawamotos’, and now he’s acting like we want to destroy his precious food/owner/piles of poop/yarbles/whatever it is dogs care about. Am up in the tree right now, waiting it out. Hideous drooling dogbeast shows no sign of leaving.

    While I’m up here writing, might as well take notes on the rest of what happened tonight, since it’s actually kind of historical: I’d